


Champagne Supernova

by stillbangtan



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Bambam and reader get crazy, Bambam isn't a fiend I swear, Consensual Sex, Developing Relationship, Drinking, Drug-Induced Sex, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fuckbuddies, I swear it's fun they're all friends even though Bambam and reader fuck a lot, JB shows up out of nowhere to scold you, Jinyoung is a disappointed mom a lot, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recreational Drug Use, Smut, Summer Love, Tags Are Hard, eventual angst, idk guys I'm trying to be considerate in case you don't like this shit, idk what you consider drugs but they literally smoke pot in the first chapter, most of them have girlfriends, not really but they do more than weed a couple times, other idols make appearances, they're just getting adventurous in a not so great way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-07-04 03:02:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15832419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillbangtan/pseuds/stillbangtan
Summary: Freshly moved to California after another impulse decision and running away from your problems, you meet Bambam in a park. You meet and get close to several of his friends, but none of them get you high the way he does. Well, one does, but you were just thinking about weed.With Bambam beside you and the occasional tag-along of Yugyeom, you find yourself on a summer-long journey of trying new things - sex, new ways to get high, falling in love with the wrong person. And of course the constant lectures and scoldings from Jinyoung.TLDR; A summer fling that lasts well into the winter and brings as many bad things as it does good.





	1. First Dates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be easy on me <3 Also, if it seems abrupt that's the point. Also seriously if you aren't okay with weed or other stuff don't read it. It's not going to be a huge thing, but it is tossed around pretty carelessly.

There was a moment, you think, that you realized you were losing him. It was a conversation, something along the lines of, "I'm glad I met you." You couldn't be too upset, you supposed. You guys were never together. It didn't really feel fair to watch him call someone else girlfriend after he felt like yours for so long, though. But if you really thought about it, you were probably just deluding yourself as usual. He was always talking to other girls and you were always trying to force a feeling that apparently wasn't there. You spent too many nights last summer rubbing his feet while he was on the phone with a girl he was trying to get with, but it was easy to forget when it was just the two of you. It was easy to forget when you were fucking him. You thought you could read a certain story in his eyes when he looked at you, a story about how you felt like home.

It was just his fucking eyes though.

The worst part about it is you were at a friends house, the house you had first met and spent most of your nights at with him, when you found out. Everyone was drinking and you were waiting. All of your friends were there except him. You'd heard someone else saying he was going to show up a bit later, after he got off work, but when that time finally came you were more than surprised when there was another girl on his arm.

Maybe surprise was the wrong word. You'd kind of had a feeling all night but you liked to call yourself hopeful. 'Hurt' was more accurate, seeing as everyone in the room was taking turns casting sympathetic stares your way as the pair walked by. But you, being as pathetic as you were and are, smiled and said 'hello' to both of them. There was a moment when you all sat around the large dining table in the downstairs kitchen and he made his way around to shake everyone's hand, introducing himself to the old and the new. He was leaned over the table in front of you, those stupid pretty eyes staring into you and smiling like you should be totally okay with this, like he wasn't breaking your heart with each passing second. His hand was between you guys, waiting to be touched, waiting to be held, and you'd stared and remembered how he'd touched almost every inch of your body with that hand not even 24 hours prior. For a moment, you really thought you wouldn't shake it, but then you remembered the way everyone was looking at you and you hated the idea of letting them know they were right to pity you so you'd finally smiled and reached out and shook his hand.

Just because you were pitiful, didn't mean everyone needed to know.

You had spent three months like that, back and forth watching him fall for other girls despite treating him better than they ever cared to, three months of nearly every night together because even when you weren't fucking you were sleeping on his couch or in the guest room of your friends house together. Three months didn't seem like it should affect you this much but you invested too much time, too many emotions, to just forget it.

Now, the bad part about all of this, you were as impulsive as you were occasionally desperate and often pathetic. Three days after they showed up at the party together, you packed two suitcases, a duffle bag, and a book bag worth of your belongings into your car and left home. It wasn't entirely because of him - you were already bored of home and had been talking to some of your online friends about meeting up. So what if 'meeting up' turned into 'living together'? He was just one of the only things causing a stutter in your plans.

So, here you were, nine months later, in California. Initially, it was possible because of your dad who also lived in California. He was some high-up-there web developer. It started off as something good when he'd decided to go back to web development and made more money for the family, but then came the fights because he spent too much time at work or in his office coding. So the family could live in a nice house, have delicious and large meals every morning, afternoon and night, by essentially selling your father. Eventually your parents decided to separate and your dad moved back to California, where you, your older brother and your dad were originally born.

You spent a few months with him, looking for a job and visiting your online friends. First, it was once every two weeks, then every weekend, and then it was any time you weren't too tired after your waitressing shift - yeah, a fucking waitressing shift, but it was an expensive and busy place so you usually filled your wallet with tips every night. It wasn't a long drive, not quite an hour from your dad's in San Jose to where they lived in San Francisco. After a few months of that, the three of you had decided to get a place in San Francisco together. It was a three bedroom place so rent ran high but between Sofia's nursing job, Youngjae's successful video game streaming, and the tips you made, it was manageable. The 45 minute drive to and from work sucked, though.

The past nine months had been freeing and enlightening. It was a drastic change from life in the Midwest, but a very welcomed change. The only thing that hadn't changed, unfortunately, was the ever-so-persistent longing to see him. Even though you'd left him(well, drove away after he got someone else) and hadn't kept in contact at all since then, Dominic's smile was still engrained behind your eyelids. He always preferred Nic, but there was something about the way his name flowed off your tongue that you couldn't get enough of, not unlike the rest of him. So, despite all the plentiful activities to partake in, you were laying on a lone park bench along an empty walking trail.

It's just past twelve in the afternoon and the sun is shining bright. The area's well lit but the trees provide enough coverage so you aren't blinded. The air is warm and pleasant on your exposed skin, but still not comforting. The wind would blow and you could close your eyes and imagine it was his hands moving your hair out of your face and running down your arms, playing with your T-shirt. You weren't sure why you even thought of him still. You're sure you'd seen on Facebook that he had moved back to his mom's in Oregon and later broken up with that girl, not too long after you had left Illinois. Purely coincidence, sure, but your biggest fault may very well be wishful thinking. Luckily it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been when you'd first moved out here. It had been a constant thing, sitting in front of the TV, taking a shower, eating a meal, hanging out with friends. Everywhere, all the time, he was on your mind and you felt like you couldn't be happy until you were with him.

Pathetic, yes, but you couldn't help it. The important thing is that you're trying. You hadn't closed yourself off, even if it had officially been a year since you'd been interested in anyone. One year ago today, on June 10th, marked the first day you really talked to him and found out more than his name. You'd met him once before but he was on K2 and not a pleasant person to be around. You'd been apprehensive the second time, but he was six months clean by then and an overall cheery person.

You exhale a sigh, tired of thinking about him. All it did was twist your insides in an unpleasant knot and make your eyes sting with the threat of tears. Stupid, pathetic tears. Now you just wanted to smoke and forget about it. Stupid Facebook, showing you his depressing posts. Part of you wanted to reach out to him and comfort him like you used to, but part of you was angry. He was alone again, but it didn't have to be that way. He could have chosen you. Instead he pulled you along by the invisible dog leash you acted like you were chained by. A very loyal and pathetic dog.

"Fuck," you mutter, lifting an arm to drape it over your eyes - partially to block out the sun completely and partially to stop any tears from falling. It wasn't sob-worthy at this point, though you had your share of that for the first two months after leaving him in Illinois. "Fuck!" you groan louder. The leaves rustle near you as a squirrel runs in fear. You chuckle slightly. You suppose a girl in emotional pain was probably as scary to humans as it was to that squirrel. Maybe that was why you hadn't met any guys in all this time. They could probably sense your baggage.

You lay there like that for a few minutes, quiet and eyes closed. You focus on the sound of the leaves blowing in trees, small twigs scattering across the ground. There are birds talking to each other between trees, and now, people.

Wait, people. Not in the trees, that would be fucking creepy and you would dip ASAP. But still, there are finally people walking down this trail. You're sure they're boys but you hadn't a clue as to how many or how old.

"-seen any people here?"

"Nope. It's probably fine, just light it." You hear a lighter click a few times. "Gyeomie, come on!" The second voice is a lot closer now. "Can't you light a joint and walk at the same time?"

"Fuck off, it's windy!" the first voice defends. You hear someone laugh close to you and then footsteps running and getting louder as they get closer. "Maybe you could have stayed back a second to help block the wind, you dick."

Now, you can definitely smell weed. You know they haven't seen you there which made a small amount of sense since the trail curved just past the bench so they mostly got a view of the back of it. 

"Hey, you got it. Why are you complaining still?" You sit up, unsure how else to announce your presence as pretending to sleep would be incredibly weird and potentially dangerous in this situation.

"I'm not- holy shit there's a person."

You turn your head to look at them. There were only two of them, one with black hair and the other with blonde, who quickly pulls his hand away from his mouth to hide it behind his back, though you can still see thin plumes of smoke floating into the air behind him.

"Oh shit," the one with the slightly lower voice says. His skin is tanner than the other and his hair is black. He doesn't look startled, just something akin to impressed and approval. "There is."

"Hi," you say. You try to flash a smile but it feels like a frown. "How's it goin'..."

"Great, actually! It's nice out, isn't it?" the black-haired one enthuses and gestures around him. He smiles and you notice how plump his lips are.

The blond shifts to one side. He's only a few inches taller than the other. "Were you sleeping just now?"

You breathe out a laugh and shake your head. "No, just thinking." Neither say anything and you reflect back to your thought earlier of guys sensing your baggage. "It _is_ really nice out," you quickly add. "This is actually my first summer here in several years and it's really great compared to back home. It's super sticky in the summer there."

"Oh, you aren't from here?" one asks, eyes wide with interest. His lips are parted and tilted slightly up. "It gets hotter than this. A lot hotter, but you get used to it."

"Maybe," the blonde chimes quietly. He digs the toe of his shoe into the ground like he's crushing a cigarette.

You grin then. "What is there to do here?"

"Smoke," the black-haired guy answers simply, receiving a nudge in the ribs from his blonde friend. He quietly says 'ow' and rubs the spot before tapping his friends arm.

"I feel that. Can I have a hit of that?" you ask and gesture to the blonde guy who is still holding his hand behind his back. "I'll pay you or something."

"Or something?" the blonde asks more to himself. He looks confused.

"Yeah, sure," the second guy answers, not bothering to argue what you already knew. He finally starts moving again after the abrupt halt a few moments prior. Sitting to your right, he removes the bag from his back and sets it on his thighs. "Wait, how old are you?"

"I'm twenty-one?" you question, leaning away slightly and furrowing your eyebrows.

"Are you not sure about it?" the blonde asks as he walks and sits on your other side.

"No, just, why does it matter?"

"Well shit, we've just met you in a park. We aren't trying to get a little kid high," the black-haired one retorts and makes a weird face at you.

"Right," you reply, shaking your head. "Sorry, I feel bad asking but I was literally just thinking about smoking and I don't have any."

"Ahh, don't feel bad about it. You're new here. I'm Bambam," he says, holding a hand out to you.

"Y/N," you smile and shake his hand.

"Yugyeom," the blonde says in a thick voice when you turn to him. He's slouched forward, elbows on his knees. You see he's already lit the joint again and now holds it in his right hand. He opts for a small wave instead of a handshake to which you nod and smile politely. His eyes shift away from you, focusing on the joint between his thumb and index finger. You watch as smoke slowly pours from between his lips before he takes a small hit and passes it to Bambam.

Yugyeom is pretty, there is no truthful denying that, but the only thing you're noticing now is Bambam's lips. They're plump and pink and the joint is small between them. His eyes are closed as he pulls it away and inhales. Adding to the appeal, he swipes his tongue along his lower lip after exhaling and suddenly his eyes are on you.

You raise your eyebrows in surprise - and probably embarrassment from being caught staring. One corner of Bambam's mouth lifts up in a partial grin, evidently amused. You frown and lean back against the bench, facing forward again. You hear him laugh beside you and then see more smoke drifting across your vision before Bambam's tan hand is thrusting the joint in front of your face.

"Thanks, dude," you say and grab it. The fact that it's been nine months since you've smoked doesn't seem important when you finally take a hit. It fills your lungs and immediately feels like they're on fire. Your eyes go wide and you can't even cuss out loud as you quickly blow it out before you start coughing.

"Shit, Y/N, I forgot you aren't from around here," Bambam says as he pats your back. You can hear the grin in his voice and you want to hit him.

"Fuck," you heave out after the coughing dies down. "Do either of you have water?" You look between the two, shoulders softly shaking as you try to hold back more coughing. "Fuck, I hate coughing like a bitch."

Bambam quickly opens his bag and rummages through it as Yugyeom puts a hang on your leg, just above your knee. "Hey," he says in a soft voice. You look from his hand up to his face and watch his lips as he speaks. "Don't be embarrassed of coughing. It makes you feel higher faster anyway." Both Yugyeom and Bambam have relatively high voices for guys, and something else, like an accent but their English is clear.

"Here," Bambam says and nudges your elbow with the bottle.

"Oh, thank you!" You unscrew the cap and hold it above your mouth, fountaining the water. You hold the joint out to Yugyeom who takes it and smokes with ease. You wouldn't call yourself a stoner; your friends back home smoked all the time and always invited you so you did end up smoking more than you would have otherwise, but you only thought about smoking when you felt stressed or had trouble sleeping. A few times it was just because you were bored. Even then, you were used to being able to take big hits but you hadn't gone for longer than a couple weeks since you started smoking.

"Why are you fountaining it?" Bambam asks with a laugh. "You already smoked after both of us."

You swallow and cap the bottle, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand. "I don't know," you respond and hand him the bottle. "There isn't really a way to avoid putting your mouth on whatever you're smoking from, so I guess it's an exception."

The water soothed the burn in your throat and lungs quickly(thankfully you had managed to blow the smoke out before coughing, or your throat would still hurt like shit), so when Bambam offered you the joint you were more than happy to take another hit. You were slower and took smaller hits each time but you were feeling it after the fourth round.

Maybe too much.

There's a solid three inches on either side of you between the two boys but Bambam still manages to slide his knee across yours as he slowly reaches in front of you to grab the joint waiting in Yugyeom's hand. You lean back further but you can't help feeling like he's moving intentionally slow to stay in close proximity. Or maybe it's just because you're high. 

Bambam holds the joint out to you but you decline it with a shake of your head. He shrugs and holds it out further to Yugyeom. After Yugyeom takes it, he lets his hand fall on your thigh, just above your knee as Yugyeom had done to your other leg earlier. A thick cloud of smoke swarms your vision, momentarily blinding you, and you realize Yugyeom just blew it straight at you. Playfully, you inhale in the cloud and wait for it to dissipate to blow it out.

"Shit," you say when smoke actually comes out and you laugh. 

Yugyeom snickers and passes the joint behind you, leaving his arm to rest over your shoulders. The weight is making your heart pound as you become too aware of the warmth still radiating from Bambam's hand on your thigh. "Are you already high, Y/N?" Yugyeom asks in a silky voice, thumb slowly carressing your shoulder.

"Don't make fun of me," you whine, squeezing your eyes shut. "It's been nine months since I've smoked." You relax your face and breathe in deep and slow, exhaling the same way. Then, you open your eyes and look at Yugyeom without moving your head. "I am _really_ fucking high though," you admit slowly and start laughing, relishing in the way the corners of Yugyeom's lips lift in amusement. You turn your head to Bambam who has just taken a hit. "You can still blow that in my face though."

He moves his eyes to look at you and grins. "I gotchu." Smoke flows between his lips as he talks and he quickly blows the rest out so he can take another hit. His hand tightens on your thigh, fingers dipping between both legs as he leans toward you. He raises his other hand to gently grip your hair on the back of your head, angling the joint away from you, and pulls you closer to him. Your heart beats harder again as his lips barely brush yours and his eyes flutter shut slowly, briefly staring at you under thick lashes. You can feel the smoke blowing into your mouth and you finally close your eyes and breathe it into your lungs. When Bambam is done and tries to pull away, you instinctively move towards him, barely touching your lips against his. You can feel him grinning against your mouth before he moves back just slightly to end the contact and then he releases his hold on your hair and hands the joint back to Yugyeom.

When you open your eyes, Bambam is still right in front of your face, snickering through a smirk. This close, you see the hair you'd originally thought to be black is a dark brown, tints of brown shining where the sunlight struck it. Smoke floats between your faces as you exhale, still staring at the attractive male in front of you. Yugyeom's arm is still over your shoulders and Bambam still has a grip on the inside of your thigh. For a moment, you feel an overwhelming urge to lay back so you're in Yugyeom's hold, back against him with his arms wrapped around you, and lifting your legs and opening them for Bambam to touch more than just your thighs.

And _fuck_ being high, because you actually do start to lean back but Bambam is quick to move his hand from your leg to the back of your head with a startled "Woah!" He pulls you back toward him and when you turn to look at Yugyeom he looks just as surprised, eyebrows high.

_As if these two haven't been playing with you for the past ten minutes._

Bambam's gaze flickers to your lips and it looks like he's about to kiss you, but he stays still. Maybe he was just waiting for you to make a move. You really wish he would have made the first move though, because the next words out of your mouth are, "Is it normal for weed to make you so horny?"

Bambam's face contorts as he purses his lips to stop any laughter from coming out. His eyes are wide with surprise, mouth lifted with amusement. Yugyeom, however, makes no attempt to silence himself and laughs loudly behind you, tightening his arm around your shoulder to pull you closer. Your head rests against his chest and he ruffles your hair. You manage to look up at him. His eyes and nose are scrunched and his mouth is open, easily displaying his top row of teeth to you as he continues to laugh at you. Despite being pulled against someone you had met less than an hour ago and them ruffling your hair and treating you like a child, you can only stare at him. You feel mesmerized by the sound of his laugh mixed with the way his face resembled a kid all scrunched up like that and your heart beats steady and hard. Being high always made you lack impulse control and easily entertained.

"Hey, Y/N," Bambam says from behind you. 

You maneuver out of Yugyeom's hold to twist towards Bambam. "What..." you say slowly, nervous he's going to say something else to tease you. It was embarrassing how much the weed had affected you today.

"Do you have plans tonight?"

You grin. "What do you have in mind?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't take constructive criticism. I take it to heart and cry myself to sleep. Just kidding, but I've had this proofread several times and it's written how I want it so if there is something that doesn't make sense to you, either it will be explained in upcoming chapters or this might not be a good read for you. I hope you do enjoy it though!
> 
> Also, I got the idea while listening to "Champagne Supernova" and I decided to be a basic ass and name it after that.


	2. Cause and Effect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You accompany YugBam to a party :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just apologize real quick for the 6,586 words

"Wait, they live _here_?" you ask incredulously. It's a part of the city you've been around no more than five times before and even then it was just because of midnight driving and once to pick Youngjae up after one of your shifts. He'd taken the bus from your guys' apartment all the way to this side of town as there was limited parking for the residents themselves, visitors be damned.

You've always been told it's a neighborhood for rich people and you definitely believe it. The streets are lined with various high-class businesses and apartment complexes. The one you're walking up to now looks like it's made purely of windows, a 10-story building of glass. Even the balconies have glass walls. Each light reflects against the walls and makes the entire building appear brighter than it is.

"Yeah, for about a year now," Yugyeom answers, placing a hand on the small of your back to guide you to the elevator.

None of you have been home yet to shower or change so you find yourself grateful you showered right before heading to the park earlier. Bambam had invited you to this party his friend was having and after waiting a bit so you weren't as high, the two of them drove off in Bambam's car with you following close behind in your own. Now both cars were parked in front of meters a few blocks away.

"Do they live with their parents?"

"Just him," Bambam responds as he presses the 'up' button.

"He makes a lot of money," Yugyeom adds, dropping his hand from your back.

The elevator arrives and you step in, leaning against the back wall beside Bambam while Yugyeom hits the number '5'. "He isn't gonna be upset that I showed up, is he?" you question.

"Not at all," Bambam assures you. "Even if he had a problem, he probably won't even notice you. His place gets crowded."

You aren't sure if it's because you're high, or because out of the entire situation, the two you're standing between are the only part you're even vaguely familiar with, but you grab Bambam's hand. Without hesitation he laces his fingers between yours as if you'd done this a million times before. The elevator 'ding's and opens to a hallway. It forms a crosshair, the elevator being in the center. Down each hallway there is only one door, so each floor only has four apartments. 

"It feels so empty in here," you comment. When you follow Bambam's lead down the hallway behind the elevator you can hear your shoes pressing into the carpet.

"We _are_ kind of early," Yugyeom asserts. "Probably the first ones here."

"Maybe he _will_ notice you then," Bambam says, casting a glance at you before shrugging in mock apology. Your grip on his hand tightens. Unbeknownst to you, Bambam strains to hide a smile.

You reach the door, about midway down the hall, and Bambam lifts his unoccupied hand to knock.

"Just a minute!" a muffled voice calls from inside. The door is pulled open and you're standing in front of another Asian male. He's shorter than the two you're situated between but looks to be older and more masculine, if his face and the two thick arms completely exposed by the tank top he wears are anything to go by. "Oh, hey guys!" he greets with an open-mouthed grin. His voice is higher pitched than you expected, opposite of the first-glance vibe you got. He trains his brown eyes on you and tilts his head, still smiling. "I don't think we've met." The combination of his soft brown hair falling flat against his forehead, almost falling in his eyes, and how big and innocent those eyes look, give him a puppy dog appearance. It didn't help how excited he looked just a few moments ago to see his two friends.

"This is our new friend Y/N," Bambam informs him.

"Y/N, Jackson," Yugyeom finishes the introduction, gesturing from you to Jackson.

You put your hand up in a shy wave. "Hi."

"Hi," he mimics in your timid voice then makes a face. He shakes his head when he locks eyes with you again and grabs your hand that isn't holding on to Bambam's. "Did you guys make her this shy or did you find her this way?" he asks while pulling you into his apartment, inadvertently dragging Bambam along.

The door opens first to a hallway. It's ten feet of walking before you can either turn right into a different hallway, or left where the living room, kitchen and dining room all share an open floorplan. Jackson veers left, passing the kitchen and leading you to one of the couches by the glass wall. The room is lit entirely by natural light and still manages to be brighter than anywhere you stayed back home.

"I think _you_ made her this shy," Yugyeom accuses as he sits on one end of the couch.

You and Bambam sit in tandem beside him. "Yeah," Bambam adds as he crosses his legs and gets comfortable, "she wasn't this shy earlier." He squeezes your hand briefly and strokes his thumb slowly back and forth below your thumb. Normally the action would be taken as affectionate but right now his touch is light, not comforting but reminding you that his hand is warm in yours and would love to touch more of you.

Jackson sits in the loveseat to the left of you, nearest Bambam. His legs are open, hands clasped firmly on both knees. " _Me_?" His eyes are wide as he looks incredulously between Yugyeom and Bambam. He focuses his gaze on you and tilts his head. "What did _I_ ," he puts a hand lightly over his heart for emphasis, "do to you?" He furrows his brows slightly and lowers his voice, pressing his fingertips harder against his chest. "We're friends, right?"

"Well shit, dude," you respond immediately and put your hands up in defense. "Yeah, sure, we're friends. Best friends." You drop your hands down, one landing on your thigh and the other resting in Bambam's again.

"I wouldn't take it that far," Jackson holds a hand up horizontally and teeters it back and forth as if to weigh your words. "You know, we'll take it slow." At seeing your exasperated expression, he puts both hands up, waving them. "This is progress, it's good!"

"Nobody cares about history anymore," you mumble into Bambam's shoulder as you lean against it. Though it's meant to be a joke, you can't help the flash of Dominic's smile in your mind. It's a night you remember well, from a year ago today. You suppose that's why you're thinking about him now, because the day you had your first real conversation with him was also the day you had started developing a crush on him. You could remember staring at him while he laughed about something long forgotten at this point, not unlike the way you'd stared at Yugyeom earlier today. It was a mix of curiosity at the new person and awe at how one smile could be so beautiful.

* * *

Both Yugyeom and Bambam are beautiful, upgraded "pretty boys." 

Yugyeom seems like the picture of innocence. His hair is the type of blonde that looks like a halo in the sunlight and blends with his light skin. His lips are full and his smile is kind, albeit immature. He's tall but downplays his height with slouching while sitting or leaning against things while standing.

Bambam exudes mischief. In the sun it was easier to see the light brown hue of his skin and the brown tints in his hair. He isn't as tall as Yugyeom, but he's taller than you. These parts of him told no story other than his ethnicity. The mischief started with his face. His lips are the "pouty" type of full, the kind that make strangers want to kiss you. His smile is inviting, but there's always something in it that seems like he's holding something back. His eyes are large, a true weapon paired with those lips. To an outsider, he has a sort of childlike innocence about him, a person you want to protect. To someone trapped in the stare he's currently giving you, he is a thing to be protected against.

You've been at Jackson's for three hours now. He'd left shortly after letting the three of you in, saying he had to go pick up his actual best friend. Jackson didn't use the word 'actual', and he didn't even call him his best friend but Bambam had informed you the person was indeed Jackson's best friend. You were more than surprised when he returned just under an hour later with more alcohol than what was already waiting in bags on the kitchen island and your roommate's boyfriend, Mark. Mark had apparently been friends with them for a few years. Jackson's apartment filled up with all kinds of twenty-something-year-olds quickly after he got back. 

You're in the kitchen with the two youngest. They already have drinks in front of them and you've just finished pouring yours, stirring it absentmindedly while you take in their appearance. Yugyeom and Bambam are seated in nearly the same position on stools at the island. Both are pushed toward the back of the seats, knees parted so there is space for their hands to rest on the edge of the stool between their thighs. The combination of music and chatter all around the apartment makes it difficult for conversation, but you weren't currently engaged in any.

Yugyeom's shoulders are tight, elbows locked. His eyes are wide and he's gripping the edge of the seat. His posture is excited and playful; he looks like he's anxiously waiting for the punchline. Contrarily, Bambam is relaxed on the stool but still maintaining straight posture. The way he holds himself so easily, looking formal yet relaxed at the same time, is part of what entices you. That, and the way his lips are barely parted and tilted up at one corner, accompanied by a provocative gaze, one eyebrow lifted like he's waiting for you to do something. The only reprieve you have from his stare is when you look at his lips. Your eyes rest there unintentionally as you take a slow drink through the small stir straw and Bambam, noticing your stare, pokes his tongue out between his lips and slowly licks up to the corner you're focused on. You suddenly realize why his relaxed state puts you less at ease than more. His invitation is like a wild animal, standing still and hiding it's claws and teeth from the prey it sits near, waiting for the prey to come inspect this strange specimen.

You don't realize your breathing has sped up as you imagine yourself being the prey, climbing on top of the counter separating you and crawling across the granite to rest there in front of him, face to face, and lean in. You imagine him leaning in and kissing you slowly but intensely, hand coming to rest on the back of your neck and keep you from leaving.

You get too distracted, imagining yourself lifting your hand to his neck as he sucks on your bottom lip. "Bambam," you murmur, and to your horror he tilts his head in real life at how gently you'd just called for him. Yugyeom looks confused too, but nonetheless intrigued. "Is that- Uh, is Bambam short for something?" you quickly cover. In your fairness, it's been nine months since you've been with anybody. Not to mention, you've been meeting a lot of attractive guys today. Aaaand you are kind of buzzed.

Yugyeom's mouth is slowly lifting into a knowing smirk as he side-eyes Bambam. Bambam's shoulders shake lightly as he laughs, losing his intimidating vibe. "It's a nickname from my mom." Despite mentioning his mom and opting for a genuine smile as opposed to the smirk he'd been giving you, you somehow can't shake the feeling you're still a prey walking quickly into the enemy's trap. You're too focused on how good he looks, licking his lip and grinning at you, to feel relief at covering up why you'd called his name. 

"Bambam!" Jackson's voice suddenly cuts through the music and atmosphere. "Are you terrorizing my girl?" He slings his free arm around your shoulders and brings his drink to his lips, an eyebrow raised in accusation. 

Instantly Bambam has dropped the act and is grinning sheepishly. "She's easy to mess with, Jackson." He looks to your face and you hide a frown, opting for a glare. He adds a shrug as an apology but you know it's insincere. Yugyeom giggles quietly at the display.

"Yugyeom," Jackson suddenly turns. Yugyeom straightens up with a concerned expression, dropping the laughter. "You're no better for sitting back and watching Bambam harrass her."

"Come on," Yugyeom defends, eyes wide like he's incredulous at being lumped in with his best friend. You notice for the first time tonight how flushed his cheeks are, how glazed his eyes are. Either he's a lightweight or you really weren't observant. You could believe the latter, thinking back (in embarrassment) to how much you were either staring at Bambam or pretending to be entertained by something in some other part of the room. "I can't help what she wants." His eyes rake over your face. His mouth doesn't move but you're sure he's biting back a smirk.

You lick your dry lips and meet the glint in his eyes, a blank and unblinking expression taking over your face. Yugyeom doesn't falter and raises a disparaging eyebrow.

"Don't put up with their shit," Jackson says right next to your ear, interrupting the empty threat you were about to cast at Yugyeom. He casts them a weary glance, mouth slightly open and jaw tense, as he releases you and heads to the fridge a few feet away. He grabs a bottle of beer and pops the cap off with the bottle opener nearby, downing the rest of the contents in his cup and tossing it and the cap into the trash. Leaning against the counter momentarily, he stares in mock distaste at Bambam and Yugyeom. "They're cute little shits and they know it," he adds, taking a swig of his beer.

He pushes off the counter at the sound of Yugyeom's "Awww, Jackson!" and his scrunched up face and Bambam's "Jacky I knew you loved me!" accompanied by childish grabby hands in Jackson's direction. He doesn't acknowledge them, just meets your eyes and shakes his head with a small smile that simultaneously tells you he cares deeply for them and wishes you luck against them. 

"Wait," Bambam interrupts their small show, "we should be saving that for when Jinyoung says something nice to us."

"I would never get to do it then," Yugyeom laments and slumps against the counter, all previous enthusiasm gone.

"Jinyoung loves you," Bambam says comfortingly, slapping his friend on the back. "Presumably," he adds after Yugyeom starts to smile.

Yugyeom is tall with wide shoulders but besides his standoff-ish behavior earlier in the day before you smoked, he seems childish from his mannerisms to his innocent laugh. Bambam's smiling again, rubbing where he'd previously slapped his best friend.

"Why does he look so depressed?" someone questions behind you.

Yugyeom sits up quickly with a grin splayed across his face, accentuating his cheekbones. "Kookiiiiie!" he says with glee, opening his arms as he stands from the stool. The person doesn't move as Yugyeom envelopes him and rocks the pair of them on the spot, smiling widely against the top of the guys head.

"Gyeomie," he says in a soft voice, pushing lightly against his taller friend in search of an escape. He drops his head to bury it against his friends shoulder in a sign of defeat before wrapping his own arms around Yugyeom who, if possible, tenses up in joy even more, hugging his friend tighter. "Yugyeom," he tries again while laughing, straining slightly from the grip Yugyeom has around his ribs.

Bambam, watching on in amusement, begins laughing. "Hey, Yug, I told you that last drink would do you in."

Yugyeom reluctantly releases his friend. "Sorry," he apologizes and sends a grin that's all teeth and scrunched eyes. "I'm only buzzed!" he defends. "I just love my Jungkookie." He lifts his arms and goes in for another hug, puckering his lips as if he intends to kiss 'Kookie'.

You watch as the new male watches on with wide eyes before ducking, narrowly avoiding Yugyeom's drunken affection. "Just because you're taller than me doesn't mean I'll let you manhandle me all night again," he says, taking a step back after.

"Again?" you and Bambam both question.

"Drunk mistakes and sober regrets are _our_ thing," Bambam deplores, slapping his palm flat against the countertop.

"Well, Bambam," the stranger says as he leans around the giant that is Yugyeom to properly address Bambam, "I didn't say it was a mistake or that we regret it."

"You're gonna get me in trouble, Kookie," Yugyeom admonished with a playful shove.

Kookie was made of lean muscles and easily shouldered the movement, though there wasn't much to shoulder from Yugyeom's inebriated strength.

"Hi," you interrupt abruptly, lifting a hand in the air with fingers curled slightly but not waving. The male turns entirely towards you and looks at you as if he's seeing you for the first time, eyes widening. It was almost comical, his naturally round eyes getting bigger and his top row of teeth poking through the gap between his lips. He glances at Yugyeom from the corners of his eyes. "I'm Y/N," you introduce despite him making no indication of wanting you to. You're holding your hand out now, waiting for a handshake. He looks at it and immediately averts his gaze as if he's just been scandalized.

He nods his head quickly, up once and down once, but looks like he's shuffling behind Yugyeom and incredibly interested in something on the other side of the room. He says something quietly and just as quick but the room is too loud. You look to Yugyeom, waiting for him to translate or relay the message.

Yugyeom puts both hands on his friends shoulders and steers him in front, shaking him gently as he says, "This is Jungkook! He isn't gonna talk to you," to which Jungkook immediately complains and shakes Yugyeom's hands off. You wait for him to defend himself and properly introduce himself but he just looks to the side once more. At least this time his eyes aren't as wide and his mouth is fully closed, making him look less terrified and more concerned and slightly pouty.

Bambam stands next to you and places a hand on the small of your back. You realize you're still holding your hand out and drop it to your side, brushing your palm on your thigh. "Why isn't he going to talk to me?" you ask, picking up your drink from the counter beside you, again absently stirring it. Jungkook has returned to a more relaxed state, forgetting about you and focusing on the way Yugyeom was wrapping his arms around him like a snake. Yugyeom was apparently a cuddly drunk.

"Oh, it's not personal. You're a girl," he responds with a chuckle.

_Because I'm a girl?_

You sip from the cup. "Does he think we're still inferior or something?" His reaction and expressions would make a lot of sense then.

"No!" Bambam quickly affirms. "He's just terrified of you guys. He really likes girls, but he's stuck in some weird middle school phase and doesn't know how to talk to them." Bambam turns his head, looking in all directions of the apartment. 

You look towards the living room, specifically at the spot on the couch where you earlier sat, and spot Mark. He's in the middle of a conversation, leaned forward with elbows resting on his knees while he listens intently to a story Jackson tells animatedly. He has a beer clasped between both hands and as if he could sense your gaze turns his head and locks eyes with you. Mark's curious expression quickly fades into a familiar smile and he tips his bottle towards you. You raise your glass towards him before you both take a drink. You finally flash a small smile and his widens, showing off his straight teeth and pronounced canines, before he directs his attention back to his best friend.

It was weird you'd spent so many months with him but never learned his friends names. Or maybe you did but couldn't keep track of them since you had never met them. The world is small, you suppose, since earlier that day when your roommate Sofia was at work and you'd gone to leave for the park, he'd assured you he didn't mind being alone and that he was going to hang out with a friend soon.

"Y/N!" Bambam gasps beside you and suddenly he's gripping your forearm and shaking it. "Hey, let's make s'mores!" He releases one hand from your arm to point to the outside where you see a firepit lighting up the otherwise dark deck.

You nod enthusiastically. "I haven't had s'mores since last summer!" you recall, but immediately wish you hadn't. The last time you'd done it was in your friends backyard, leaned against Dominic who had one arm wrapped around you. That was earlier on in your relationship. At the time you'd felt happy because it made you feel like he was claiming you but now you realize his claim on you was like a toy to play with when he was bored. Realizing your sudden despondency you quickly down the remaining contents of your drink, abandoning the straw and set the cup of ice on the counter. "Let's go!" you exclaim, excitedly grabbing Bambam's hand and pulling him through the crowd to the door.

It's all glass, the entire wall separating the deck from the inside is. If it wasn't on the fifth floor you'd be concerned about a break-in. Instead, you're concerned about the lack of sticks available. There's already a group of people around the firepit who had likely sparked the idea for Bambam and there's only one spot available on the furniture surrounding it. Bambam sits there, and as you're looking around for a spot you may have missed or debating on standing, he pulls you onto his lap. 

Bambam's arms wrap snuggly around you and he presses his face against your shirt. Normally you would be nervous or uncomfortable but Bambam had been making you feel like you'd known each other longer than a few hours within a few moments of sitting on the park bench next to you earlier that day. Instead of panic, you relish in the way you can relax against him and not picture someone else's fingers gently kneading into your sides.

The night is cool but the combination of the fire in front of you and Bambam behind you keeps you warm. The music is muffled out here but you can still feel the bass and the collective sound of everyone talking makes it noisy. A couple from the couch adjacent to you stand up to leave, offering the sticks they'd been using as they go. Finally able to use them, you grab ingredients for you and Bambam from the end table beside you.

"Here," you say as you turn in his grasp to hand him a marshmallow. He leans his head forward and bites it out of your hand, chewing happily on it. You giggle when he grins sweetly at you. He had been switching back and forth between innocent and seductive all night. You impale your own marshmallow on the stick and grab another marshmallow for him, placing it for him.

"Thanks," he hums quietly, resting his head against you again as he holds the marshmallow above the fire.

"You actually slow roast it?" you ask incredulously as you watch him holding it above the flames and slowly rotating it.

"How else would I do it?"

In response, you thrust the marshmallow into the flames and watch it catch fire. You pull it out after a moment and blow the small fire out, admiring the crisp black outside. "And then," you begin as you break a graham cracker in half and put chocolate on one half, "you sandwich it and eat it." As you say it, you put the other half of the graham cracker on it to sandwich the burnt marshmallow and slide it off the stick. A glob of goop stays behind as you happily munch on the snack.

"No, no, no," he says and pulls his stick away from the fire. The marshmallow is lightly toasted on all sides. He repeats the same steps with the chocolate and crackers and takes a bite. "And now," he explains, one cheek full of s'more, "it's all smooth like a marshmallow should be. None of that weird crunchy stuff." He holds the end of the stick up near your face. "And it doesn't leave behind as much on the stick."

"Hey!" a voice says loudly nearby. "You guys snuck off to make s'mores without us? I thought you were going to fuck!"

"Yugyeom!" you exclaim, covering your mouth with your hand in embarrassment. The people on the couch beside you laugh. You'd forgotten they were there, the conversations of everyone outside becoming background noise the moment you got sticks.

"I'm serious," he complains. "Give me a stick. I want some."

"Get your own stick," Bambam dismisses him as he reaches around you for another marshmallow.

"Here," the guy beside you says. He stands up and hands Yugyeom the stick and holds a hand out to the girl with him to join. She smiles politely and hands her stick to Jungkook who, you watch in amusement, immediately goes wide-eyed and looks away, stepping slightly to the side to obscure himself from her gaze and gingerly reaches out to take it. The pair walk away, maybe to the inside, maybe somewhere else on the deck. You aren't really paying attention anymore, too enthralled with how awkward Jungkook is.

When they're further away, he starts to relax and follow Yugyeom to sit until he notices you staring. He instantly goes rigid, pausing midstep and staring wide-eyed at you then down to where you're sitting on Bambam's lap. You grin, laughing quietly when he shifts his gaze and continues to the couch, sitting on the other side of Yugyeom but still tense.

Yugyeom starts talking about something that happened earlier that day. It was something about someone always lecturing him on everything he does. You zone out, imagining Yugyeom in his everyday life, wondering what that consisted of, imagining him as a toddler not understanding why what he was doing was wrong.

"You guys really didn't fuck?" he suddenly asks, pulling you back to the present.

"Yugyeom, we've been gone for like fifteen minutes. When would we have had the time?" Bambam replies casually. He's still holding you, cuddled up against you. 

"Why are you acting like we're gonna fuck anyway?" you chide. Yugyeom just turns his head to face you, frowning in disbelief. Beside him, Jungkook looks like he's trying to become part of the couch. You don't remember Yugyeom grabbing a marshmallow but you watch as it reaches it's limit, melting off the stick and landing in the firepit. "Shouldn't you pay more attention to your s'more?"

He pulls the stick away from the fire, examining where he'd put the marshmallow. "Jungkookie, give me yours! It looks good."

Jungkook had just finished making his s'more and looks up in shock when he realizes the attention is now on him. He meets your gaze again then quickly looks back and forth between Yugyeom and Bambam. "Okay," he says and hands it to him, though you aren't sure if he's actually a generous person or if he just wanted the attention away from him.

"Bambam!" a female voice calls out. A girl with hair down to her midback and bangs cut across her forehead skips over.

"Lisa!" Bambam greets in return, immediately moving his hands to your hips and lifting you off of him.

Lisa looks at you and smiles widely, lifting her hand in a small wave. Behind the bold red lipstick and winged eyeliner you can tell she's naturally beautiful too. "I'm Lisa," she introduces.

"Y/N," you say with a polite smile.

Bambam, having smoothed out his shirt and finding a spot to leave the stick, envelopes Lisa in a tight hug. His arms wrap easily around her small waist, palms flat against the small of her back. She giggles and lightly wraps her own arms around him before he pulls away, leaving a hand on her back. "We'll be back," he tells you then steers her away.

You plop down where Bambam had been sitting and lean back with a sigh, eyes closing. A few minutes pass like this, you feeling the warmth of the night air on your skin. The conversations are still a low hum of noise, nobody being close enough for you to hear clearly. It's too quiet beside you, you realize. You look over to find Yugyeom turned towards you, his chewing nearly halted with how slow it is. Hesitantly, he swallows and holds the s'more out to you. He's only been nibbling on it. You let out a breathy laugh before leaning over and taking a small bite, glancing up to his watchful eyes as you do. His lips are parted, brows furrowed slightly.

"Y/N," he says softly. The accent you noticed earlier is heavier when he says it. You pull back, chewing on the snack with eyebrows raised in curiosity. "If you and Bambam aren't fucking... Should we?"

"Yugyeom!" Your eyes are wide and you're trying not to laugh at his obviously drunk behavior. "Nobody has to fuck anybody. Good god, when did you have time to sneak all those drinks that got you this drunk?"

Yugyeom looks dejected. "At least he's calm," Jungkook mutters. "Sometimes he won't stop dancing and it... Well, Jaebum isn't always there to stop him."

You look on in shock that he's actually talking to you. "Maybe we should get drunk too," you propose, making a mental note to ask about the dance later. You hadn't drank that much tonight and were feeling only slightly buzzed.

Before Jungkook can react, Yugyeom is standing from the couch and pumping his fists in the air, cheering, "Shots!"

You look around the deck as you stand, hoping to find Bambam and let him know you're heading back in, but he's nowhere to be seen. You suppose he could have been any of the silhouettes but you can't make out his voice anywhere and you aren't about to walk up to everyone just to see if it's him.

"Come on!" Yugyeom insists, grabbing your wrist and dragging you behind him to where Jungkook stands holding the door open. You'll just find him later.

Despite the air conditioning inside, it's still hotter due to the sheer number of people. The crowd of dancing people you're currently squeezing through provides no solace, either. Yugyeom grabs three plastic shot glasses from the counter by the fridge. What was earlier a neat collection of red solo cups of varying sizes is now a mess of fallen cups and spilled liquor. In Yugyeom's defense, it was like that before he got to it.

"What do you want?" he asks, putting his hands up on the edge of the island-counter like a dutiful bartender. He's standing where you were earlier, you and Jungkook having taken his and Bambam's spots on the stools.

"I'll pour my own shot," you say, reaching for an open bottle.

He clicks his tongue in mock disappointment, swatting your hand away and grabbing it. "I'll take good care of you, Y/N," he says with a wink. You frown in response, not wanting to encourage anymore of his drunk rambling about sex. He pours the liquor into the three cups, handling himself better than you expected with the way he'd been acting.

The three of you 'cheers' and Jungkook barely flinches when you accidentally brush your hand against his, although he does pull away quickly and down his shot. One more round passes like this, just a few minutes later. The space between is filled with a conversation between Yugyeom and Jungkook that you can't keep up with because of all the different names brought up.

"Pour me a shot too!" Bambam whines, suddenly beside you after your second shot. You look up quickly, watching him grin at Yugyeom who doesn't protest, just grabs a fourth shot glass and fills all of them. Bambam doesn't move his head, just looks down at you and winks. "I'm sorry I took so long," he apologizes after a moment, sliding two glasses from Yugyeom to the pair of you. He pauses speaking for Yugyeom to say 'cheers' and the four of you clink your cups together and take the shot. He grimaces at the taste and licks his lips before resting his arm over your shoulders and grinning at you. "I'm yours for the rest of the night."

Yugyeom is already filling the cups again, truly looking like a disinterested bartender at this point. You aren't sure if it's because of you and Bambam or if he's just really drunk at this point. Jungkook is staring at the counter as if he refuses to risk looking at you if he moves his eyes.

"Who's Lisa?" you ask, reaching for your fourth shot. You wonder briefly if the shots are already affecting you when you think of your motives behind asking, but you're certain it's just because it's been awhile.

"An old friend," Bambam responds before you both take your shot. You shudder slightly and Yugyeom passes you a cup of soda to chase the taste away as if he was waiting for this moment.

You take a few drinks and swish it around in your mouth, muttering a 'thank you' after swallowing with a contented sigh. "Just friends?" you persist. You're looking at him again and waiting for him to look at you.

"Are you jealous already, Y/N?" he teases, briefly pulling you tighter against him. Maybe Bambam was the cause as well as the effect.

"No, I just don't want to intrude on something."

Bambam looks over at you, eyebrow quirked with intrigue. "How would you-" he starts but you've already got his shirt twisted in your grasp, tugging him down. You see his eyes widen and his lips part in surprise before you close your eyes, but any noise he would have made is silenced the moment your lips touch. He barely needs any time to react, moving his lips against yours almost instantly.

It's the first time you've kissed anyone in the last nine months but instead of missing Dominic's lips, all you can think about is how good Bambam's lips feel against yours, plump and pillowy.

When Bambam's tongue licks across your bottom lip you pull away, chest heaving from a mix of nerves and excitement. You don't know when it happened but your hands are on his shoulders, fingertips digging in. You ease your grip on him so he can easily pull away if he wants to, but he remains bent over you, face inches away. His breathing is heavier than normal and he looks slightly dazed, but you think it was more shock that you did it in the first place.

Just under his arm, which was still stretched out to your shoulders, you can see Mark and Jackson on the couch in the living room. Mark raises his eyebrows and looks like he's holding back a laugh while lifting his drink in a silent applause, completely different from Jackson's discontented expression while he slowly shakes his head.

You chortle and cover your mouth with the back of your hand. "Our audience is giving us mixed reviews."

Bambam turns to look over his shoulder and looks to you as he laughs, scrunching up his face. "Maybe we should try harder."

He spins you so your back is to the counter and gently pushes you against it. From the corner of your eye you see Jungkook jump like he'd forgotten you were even there. _Sorry, Jungkook._ Bambam holds himself steady with one hand on the edge of the counter and the other below your jaw, thumb on your cheek as he leans in. Instinctively, your hands wander up to his sides, partially to steady yourself, partially to pull him closer. This close, you can see the specks of gold spattered throughout his otherwise dark irises, enhanced by the white kitchen lights. Your gaze drifts from the new colors to his grinning lips, briefly stopping on the mole under his left eye. He's waiting for you to make the final move, giving you the opportunity to push him away. You catch his eyes move from your own down to your lips and without a second thought, you close your eyes and lean in. When your lips meet, it's slow but rough, nothing like Dominic. He'd always kissed you quickly and shortly, just wanting to get it over with so he could get off. Bambam is taking his time to enjoy it and put on a show for your friends and any other prodding eyes.

This time when he licks your bottom lip you don't pull away, instead tugging on his shirt to urge him closer and further over you. If you hadn't been able to guess earlier from his legs, you would certainly be able to guess now how skinny he was, feeling his body easily through the thin fabric. Bambam obliges, tilting his head slightly as he leans in more to you. This close you can smell the liquor and when you push your tongue against his you can taste it. It isn't unpleasant when not accompanied by the burn and covering your entire mouth. You hear yourself moan before you realize you did it at all and Bambam laughs softly before pulling away.

It takes you a moment to open your eyes, too focused on the way his laugh had traveled through you. Bambam is standing up to his full height again, one hand lingering on the side of your neck. He's grinning at you, eyes crinkled in amusement. He slides his hand down to your shoulder and tugs, encouraging you to sit back up on the stool. 

"The reviews aren't as mixed now. Jackson's still disappointed and Mark's disturbed."

You can't bring yourself to look, too caught up in how friendly he looks compared to the way he just made you feel. Earlier he'd looked at you like he would fuck you on the counter right there, but now that you were actually kissing he was all grins and playful energy. You barely even recall how he kissed you exactly like you'd imagined earlier.

When you don't respond, he laughs and ruffles your hair. "Another shot?" You don't even realize Yugyeom and Jungkook are no longer there as Bambam pours two shots. You still aren't feeling the first four, but you're too focused on Bambam's lips to think about taking it slow when he says, "Drink up," and clinks his glass against yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck you made it all the way down here.
> 
> This story is like an awkward mix of slow and abrupt. Again, as this is fanfiction and not something I'd ever dream of having published, I don't care for criticism so please spare my sensitive ass lmao <3


	3. Blackout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hangovers and forgetting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YugBam aren't in this chapter ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> By the way, as my friend has "politely" reminded me to do, LULLABY IS OUT NOW SO CHECK IT OUT IF YOU HAVEN'T(okay but can I just say how fucking adorable Youngjae was for the entirety of that video oml)(also Yugyeom in those glasses okay).

You wake up to the feeling of something rubbing against your face, something soft and something wet. It rubs over your nose and you furrow your brows in annoyance.

"Coco!" a voice calls out softly. "Come here. Don't lick that, you don't know where it's been."

You open your eyes to see a small ball of fluff running towards your roommate. Youngjae is standing by the front door, the door open but the outside still closed off by the screen door. Coco is waggling his tail, patiently waiting for Youngjae as he leans down and hooks the leash to his collar.

As he stands back up, he meets your glare. "What is that supposed to mean," you grumble. Your throat is dry and your sight is still spinning. You can't figure out why you're on your stomach on the floor in front of the couch. 

"I haven't seen you with anyone since Nic and out of all of San Francisco you choose those two." Youngjae shakes his head, but his grin assures you he's only teasing. 

It doesn't stop the anxiety in your stomach. "Those two?" Surprisingly, the anxiety has nothing to do with Dominic being brought up and more to do with something you can't remember. Right now, all you can remember is you're in your apartment talking to your roommate. "What are you talking about?"

Youngjae rolls his eyes dramatically. "Last night, at Jackson's party! There is photo evidence."

Hearing his name brings back the images of standing in the doorway of his apartment where you met him for the first time. Suddenly, memories of yesterday come back and you remember being at the park and meeting Bambam and Yugyeom. You're still disoriented though because the last thing you remember is sitting at the counter taking shots with Bambam.

_Oh, god, I kissed him._

You groan and close your eyes as you attempt to wipe away the embarrassment. "I don't understand how hanging out with them makes me suddenly dirty or conspicuous," you mumble, turning your head towards the couch and away from the light streaming through the open door.

"Is that what hanging out is? I guess I spend too much time playing video games these days. Maybe I should hang out more often." With that, Youngjae opens the screendoor and walks out.

"Wait!" you open your eyes and lift your head, facing the door again. "What photo evidence?" you call out. "What does that mean?" Youngjae doesn't turn back to you and you watch in despair as your question is met only by the sound of the door latching behind him. You drop your head back to the floor and groan in defeat.

A few minutes pass and you're starting to drift to sleep again when you hear a door click somewhere down the hall. Quiet footsteps pad across the wood floor before a soft voice asks, "Are you still awake?"

You let out a sound of acknowledgement but don't move. At least you aren't glaring at the back of your eyelids anymore.

"Do you want breakfast?"

You're silent for a moment, deeply inhaling while finding the motivation to respond. After exhaling you open your eyes and find Mark staring at you. He's behind the couch, hands resting on the back of it. "Yes," you mumble. Somehow you're feeling worse than ten minutes ago when you were talking to Youngjae.

Mark smiles sympathetically. "You should get up here," he says, tapping the couch. "It'll hurt less." He walks just as quietly as before into the kitchen.

The kitchen is only separated from the living room by a wide archway. When you finally convince yourself to climb onto the couch, you catch a glimpse of him opening cabinets as softly as possible to avoid making noise. He hasn't even turned the main light on, relying on the small one above the stove. He's also still in his pajamas. A quick glance down shows you you're still in yesterdays attire.

You position one of the decorative pillows and let your head fall on it. You expected to sleep while you waited but for the next twenty minutes you silently listen to the food being made. You hear the fridge open and close at least three times and the sound of a drawer sliding open then shut. You hear food sizzling on the stove and after a few minutes you can smell the bacon. You hear the eggs being cracked open and adding to the sizzling, toast pop out of the toaster. You're so focused on each noise you can picture it perfectly as if you were the one doing all of the work. But you aren't. Your roommates angel boyfriend Mark is.

"Sit up," he says a few minutes later.

You do as he says and grab the plate. It's bacon, eggs and toast on one plate and he hands you another with two pancakes. You guess you didn't imagine it very well since the pancakes are a complete surprise. "Thank you," you say dryly but with complete sincerity and dig into the first plate, saving the pancakes for last.

Mark smiles warmly and goes back to the kitchen. "Do you want water or juice?" You call your answer out around a mouthful of food. He comes back after a few moments with your drink and a pill. "It's Ibuprofen. You should take it before it gets worse." You hum in thanks as he walks away and swallow the pill, washing it and the food down with over half of the glass. Mark returns with two plates of his own and a bottle of syrup dangling from his pinky. "I figured you'd be feeling like shit and need hangover food after last night." He sits down on the other end of the couch, leaving a cushion of space between you.

Your chewing slows as you think about it. "You were there last night," you begin then finish chewing and swallow the food.

"Yeah, probably more than you. You were pretty drunk," he answers with a laugh.

"What happened? Like you said, I was pretty drunk. I can't remember anything after taking shots with Bambam." You hesitantly turn your head to face him. Seeing him there, his blonde hair illuminated by the small amount of light streaming through the curtains, brings back another memory. Something you can't make sense of, but your anxiety returns. In the brief memory you can see his blonde hair right in front of your face as he leans closer, but his face is blurry. "Mark," you say, dread filling you as you find a way to approach the subject. You don't want to think about it, about having to tell Sofia. Mark just looks patient, waiting for you to finish. "Did we..." He looks expectant, head tilting to the side as he waits. It's hard to find the words when your throat is threatening to shut at the idea of how much it would hurt your dear friend and roommate. "You and I, I mean. We didn't... Did I try..."

It takes a few moments of you staring helplessly at him before you watch the realization contort his face. "Oh! No! Absolutely not! _What_?" His eyes are wide and he looks uncomfortable. "I would never do that to Sofia. I don't think you would either."

You breathe an excessive sigh of relief. "Thank fuck. I just... I had a weird memory, or... okay. That's good. Sorry. Thank you." Yeah, thank god, but what is that memory then?

"What made you think that?" Mark still looks uncomfortable, but probably more from imagining hurting Sofia in such a way. You're almost distracted by how much you adore them together and how happy you are that they have each other. Almost.

"Youngjae said something about photo evidence...?"

Mark purses his lips and looks to the floor in concentrated thought. "Bambam isn't really cautious about things he shares." He stops for a moment, trying to find the best way to put it. "There's a video of you. From last night, at the party. It's not... bad? Please don't be upset. So, first, Jackson was recording the party because it's at his apartment and that's what he does, and it wouldn't have been an issue. It's just the party, everyone is drinking and dancing, stuff like that. Right at the end he accidentally got a close-up of you and Bambam making out at the island again-"

" _Again_?" you cut him off. You quickly regain composure, trying to keep the anxiety at bay. "That's not so bad right?" you try to laugh it off. "People get drunk and... do... stuff." Really, you're embarrassed because you've always been a sloppy drunk. Maybe you should get in contact with Bambam to apologize for however you acted last night.

"It's not so bad, except the part where you started trying to undress him in the kitchen in the middle of everyone." At your horrified expression, he quickly adds, "That wasn't in the video. Don't worry. Youngjae didn't get to see that, so he can't tease about that." There was no room for relief as he also added, "Everyone at the party saw."

You cover your face with both hands, your breakfast having been abandoned on the arm of the couch near the beginning of the conversation. "That's fucking embarrassing. I don't think I want to know anything else." You could feel Mark's sympathetic gaze on you. "Ahhh, fine, fine. But please just say the next part quickly, I can't stand the suspense." You bury your head against your legs and wrap your arms around your head, leaving your ears uncovered enough to hear his next words.

"Bambam uploaded a video of you and Yugyeom making out to Snapchat."

You sit up quickly, eyes wide. "What?! I made out with Yugyeom?!" You had absolutely no recollection of that and you were a little afraid to find out anything else you'd done last night. You clearly weren't in your right mind, not just because you were drunk but that you made out with two different people. The first one was already a stretch because until yesterday you hadn't even thought about kissing someone except when you were missing Dominic. It must have been the alcohol. Or the weed. "God," you mutter. "Did you see anything else?"

Mark shakes his head. "The only thing I saw was you and Bambam and the next time I looked you were gone. I... You guys were in the guest room for awhile. I didn't even know you guys were back there until Jungkook came out and told me, or I would have gone back there to get you."

"Oh," you breathe out in relief with a hand over your heart. "Geez, Mark, I told you not to tell me stuff slow like that. I really thought you were about to tell me I fucked them. If Jungkook was back there, definitely nothing happened. Do you know Jungkook? He's so awkward around chicks, he wouldn't have stayed back there if we did anything like that." Your smile is so content Mark hardly has the heart to enlighten you. "God, could you imagine-" you start, but immediately stop when you catch sight of Mark's face. He's staring at you, brows furrowed and frowning. You instantly mimic his expression with a hint of surprise. "What? What's that look for?"

"He would have left?" Mark says slowly, enunciating each syllable and nodding as if he's teaching you an elementary math problem. "Jungkook wouldn't have stayed if anything like that happened? So, he would have left? Like, out of the room, not with you guys, talking to me?" Marks eyes are wide and when you finally realize what he's getting at you understand why he was talking to you like you were stupid.

"I _am_ stupid," you say quietly, acknowledging it with applause. It _was_ impressive, after all. You drop your head with a sigh, eyes closed. So stupid, because it's been nine months since you've been with anybody but you so easily got with two people last night and don't even remember it-

A few moments pass before Mark lets out a quiet, "I'm sorry."

But you're more sorry because you never meant to be such a mess with your California friends. You look up to meet his contrite eyes. "Dude, Mark, it's not your fault. I already know I'm not supposed to be drinking that much. I don't know why I did."

"Y/N, I don't want to lead you either way, but I've known them for a long time, and they're good kids." You stare blankly, waiting for him to continue. He sighs and rubs his cheeks roughly. You do feel a bit bad for him. Mark doesn't talk about this stuff very often unless it's serious. He's trying to be helpful, but you actually feel worse when you think about it. You hate being a burden. "I just mean that it's possible nothing... happened. If even one of them was sober enough."

"I appreciate it, but I'm pretty sure you already know we were all trashed, and I know how I am when I drink too much..." You did have a history. It was even how your relationship with Dominic started. A night of drinking too much.

"Is that why this is bothering you? Or is it because neither of them are Nic?" Your heart constricts at the sound of his name, more aware now than you were in your conversation with Youngjae earlier.

"Both?" you uselessly supply. "I guess... I do hate how I am when I drink like that, and I wish I had more self control, but mostly... it's guilt." You swallow before forcing yourself to continue. "I... I don't think he's doing well, and it hurts because I just want to help him but... it's like he knows I'm good for him, and I think he's just scared because of that." Mark has resumed a sympathetic stare but you already know how he feels about him. To your new group of friends here, he's a bad choice that you haven't noticed yet. One of the things you miss the most about your friends back home is how understanding they were of your situation with him. "So, mostly, I'm upset because it's not him."

"Do you think," Mark says slowly, calculating his words, "maybe that's a good thing?"

You didn't, no. For it to be a good thing meant you were accepting that Dominic didn't return those feelings, but you weren't ready for that. You aren't.

"Wait," you interrupt your own train of thought. Your eyes have just landed on your key ring hanging by the front door. "When did we get home? Why... Did one of us drive my car?"

"Well, actually by the time Jungkook told me about where you were, you came stumbling back into the living room and kept talking about how you had to tell Sofia something." He pauses and looks at your keys. "I think it was about Bambam and Yugyeom. You kept saying Bambam was 'really adorable.' I told you she was asleep so you sat by me and started talking about how he was flirting with you and you were really surprised but he was really cute and... I can't remember exactly what you said but you kept saying he was cute."

You're groaning and hiding your face. "That's so awkward. I'm so sorry." Then, you look up quickly with bright eyes. "Doesn't that mean we didn't fuck though? If I came out right after Jungkook?"

Mark sighs. "I really wish I could confirm that, but Jungkook told me he'd left you guys at least a half hour before I saw him. And I noticed you had..." he trails off and motions toward his own neck, "marks... on your neck." You self-consciously reach up to touch the side of your neck. "And you kept talking about how cute he was, his face and something about how he acted with you, but when I asked you what you were doing in the back with them you just got weird and wouldn't tell me. You said you were just hanging out and then you ran off because you wanted to go home and tell Sofia."

"I'm sorry," you groan out again. That was so like you though. Giddy and excited over everything while drunk, trying to run off and disappearing constantly. Who knows what you do when you disappear from parties?

"It's okay," he assures you. "I was ready to leave anyway. So I followed you out and we took the bus but you passed out, so I just stayed on there with you til the last stop at midnight and we stopped at McDonald's so you could get ice cream, but they said the machine was broken so we got some fries instead. You started talking about Bambam being a really good kisser and then you put your head down and fell asleep there. Youngjae was still awake so he picked us up."

"Wow," you finally say after staring silently for several moments. "That is exactly how I expect a night of drinking with me to go. Wish I could be around for some of that." Mark laughs softly. "Wait, so where is my car? Why are my keys here? I left it in front of a meter by Jackson's yesterday, oh god. What time even is it? My cars gonna get towed-"

"Y/N, calm down. I rode with Sofia when she left for work and she dropped me off so I could pick your car up. It's been here safe and sound since 6:30 this morning."

You sigh loudly in relief. "Thank you. Oh my god, you guys are such good friends."

Mark's smile grows as he leans forward to ruffle your hair. "We got you." You make noises of protest and swat at his hand. "Finish your breakfast and go back to sleep. Sofia will be home in a few hours and we're gonna watch a movie."

"Fine." You both continue eating the breakfast. It's cooled down considerably due to your relentless interrogating but if Mark cares he doesn't show it. "Okay but I better not get stuck by Youngjae again."

* * *

You were stuck by Youngjae again.

If Sofia and Mark would just sit together in the middle of the couch, it wouldn't be an issue. But they insisted on cuddling up together on the right side of the couch every time. Mark was always leaned against the armrest with an arm wrapped snuggly around Sofia's shoulders, pulling her into him.

"Oh my god, just eat your ice cream and get over it," Youngjae complains, gripping the decorative pillow in his lap and hitting the back of your head with it. You've only been awake for an hour now and half of it was spent showering and changing into comfortable clothes since you didn't plan on leaving for the rest of the night. The other half has been spent sitting quietly as you zone out, thinking about last night despite not remembering it.

You slowly turn to glare at him, ice cream smeared across one cheek. "This is why I don't like sitting by him," you practically hiss before lunging at him to rub your cheek against his.

Youngjae yells and throws his hands out. "Who added her?" he demands. "Who added her?!"

"It was you, you otter-faced _fuck_!" you retort, giving up the effort and dipping your fingers into the ice cream. You drag them over his face, thoroughly and satisfyingly covering across one eye, one side of his nose, and most of his mouth.

Youngjae stops fighting, careful not to blink his one eye and risk getting ice cream in it. He licks his lips and wipes the liquid away from his eye. A few traces linger on his lashes when he opens his eyes and meets your brooding stare. "Do not," he says lowly, "use otters as an insult."

"You better not get ice cream on the couch, Youngjae!" Sofia warns, leaning around you to glare at him. Mark sits in his normal position, shaking his head at the childish antics but you can see the small grin he tries to hide. This was normal for you two.

" _Me_?" Youngjae questions in disbelief. It's hard not to giggle at the sight of him, ice cream now crusting in crevices on his face. He turns his attention to you and shakes his head with a scoff. "You are _amazing_." He stands from the couch.

"Hey, don't be so upset," you tease, but before you can say anything else Youngjae grabs your wrist and pulls you up from the couch and down the hall with him. "What- why?" you loudly complain, stumbling the whole way as you attempt to stand in place but Youngjae's strength continues to drag you. For someone who really doesn't look that strong and just plays video games all day, he really does have hidden strength.

"Hey, don't be so upset," he mimics as he pushes the bathroom door open. He flips the light on and pulls you in behind him. "Wash your hands," he instructs as he releases your wrist.

"God, Youngjae, I'm not a child," you mumble as you reach for the knobs.

"Oh, are you not?" he replies and points to the ice cream on his face.

"You did it first!" you defend, raising your voice.

"No, I hit you with a pillow because you were moping again."

You don't reply. He's technically right, but it was his fault you got ice cream on your face so he still deserved it.

You finish washing your hands but as you move to wipe off your own face, Youngjae stops your hands. He grabs a washcloth from one of the drawers and wets it under the still running faucet and proceeds to dab at your face. There's a strange tenderness in the way he cleans your skin, completely opposite of how you two normally interact. But it's normal and expected. A few warm droplets slide down to your jaw and chin and Youngjae uses the dry corners of the cloth to catch them.

"All clean," he informs and shows off his perfect teeth in a wide smile. He thrusts the washcloth in front of you. "Your turn."

Wordlessly, you rinse the cloth and wring it out before bringing it to his face. The contrast between the two sides of Youngjae you're most familiar with is astonishing. One side is endless teasing and bickering while the other is standing in front of you, eyes gently closed and brows creased together in worry as you dab over his eyelids. You're careful not to press too hard and breathe out a giggle as his face relaxes when you move onto his lips.

"What-" he begins and opens his eyes, but the washcloth pushes into his mouth. He immediately jerks away and repeatedly runs his tongue over his teeth as if they would scrape it clean.

"Youngjae, stand still," you scold as you grab his jaw and make him face you, reaching forward with the cloth once more. 

Once you start wiping around his nose and cheek, he pouts at the grin you wear. "Rude," he mumbles, glaring at the door behind you as he waits for you to finish. His cheek is slightly red where you had to scrub harder due to it drying.

You drop the washcloth in the hamper and use the end of his towel hanging by him to pat his face dry. "All done," you say softly as though you've just finished patching up a bruised little kid.

He looks in the mirror as if he doesn't believe you, contorting his face as he gets up close to check thoroughly. "Alright fine. Let's go." Youngjae pushes you through the doorway and flips the light off behind you guys. Once seated in your original positions, you don't even have time to complain about your bowl of ice cream being almost completely melted before Youngjae is wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you against him. The position mirrors your other roommate and her boyfriend.

"Did you guys get a quick one in in the bathroom?" Sofia teases. She loved teasing you guys about being a married couple, especially one whose marriage would have failed long ago if not for the sex. Of course, she knew of yours and Youngjae's platonic relationship, and that was all it ever had been. Platonic. If not for the occasional fake flirting he would feel just like a brother to you. Maybe he felt like your equivalent of a gay best friend, sans the gay part.

Or was he gay? You'd never seen him with a girl...

"Nope, just me," he replies smugly, tightening his arm around you briefly. He pulls his blanket that was resting over the back of the couch over the both of you. 

"What is it about the floor and your knees," Sofia asks you in mock disappointment.

"It's not like that," you passionlessly defend. You wiggle out of Youngjae's hold to rest your head on his lap. Not wasting a second, Youngjae's fingers thread through your hair gently, threatening to coax you to sleep. Your eyes drift shut as you add in a mumble, "I was just scrubbing the floor."

"Hey, don't put her to sleep before the movie even starts," Mark tells him. You almost sigh at the loss of contact and begrudgingly open your eyes again. You do feel a lot better compared to this morning, but you could use more sleep. Not to mention, something to make you stop thinking about what may or may not have happened last night. At least hunger was taken care of since Sofia came home with takeout. 

The movie finally starts and Youngjae sneaks his fingers back into your hair. You turn to look at him questioningly, but he responds with a grin and a finger to his lips. You laugh quietly and turn back to the TV but you aren't watching. Youngjae takes care of you so easily and you guys are just friends. Why was it so hard for Dominic? He made so many promises when you'd first brought up the idea of moving to California, he'd talked about going back to Oregon. Then, he got in a relationship with that girl, like he hadn't spent the entire previous night pulling you further and further into him and pushing into you.

That was the last time you guys fucked, and the last time you fucked anyone until last night. You hadn't even kissed anyone in that time. It was nine gruelling months of remembering that feeling of being used and knowing it was all your fault. If it wasn't for Sofia and occassionally Youngjae and Mark, you probably would have quit your job in the first week. But they consoled you. Sofia provided hugs and late night talks when it felt too overwhelming, and Youngjae often pulled you into his arms for overnight cuddles. He wasn't open to talking about it like Sofia was. He was too vocal about his dislike for Dominic, where Sofia let you talk as you needed despite not liking him and desperately hoping you would see what they all saw. You wished they didn't know as much as they did. It made it harder to escape.

Maybe the two guys you met yesterday could be a good thing. They didn't know the pathetic way you'd spent last summer, and for whatever reason they were the first guys you'd wanted to kiss since then. Maybe it was just weed or alcohol-induced... but you'd been drunk with Youngjae before and never tried anything.

Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to try talking to them again next weekend. You could apologize to them and to Jackson for acting like that at the party, and apologize to Mark for him having to take care of your drunk self all night and for having to witness your near-breakdown this morning.

Maybe...

You open your eyes as you feel yourself being moved. There's whispering somewhere and a quiet voice by you. The room is darker now. The TV is shut off, you finally realize. You're trying to get a grip of your environment but as you sit up a hand pulls you back down.

"Go to sleep," Youngjae mumbles tiredly in your ear as he pulls you against him. You're not sure when you fell asleep but you're guessing the movement you felt was Youngjae moving your head off his lap and climbing on the couch behind you.

"Goodnight," Mark calls quietly.

"Night," you respond with a yawn. You should definitely apologize and thank him in the morning. "What time is it?" you ask Youngjae.

"A bit after 1. You passed out during the movie because you suck and you didn't wake up when I kept flicking you after. Sofia had to go to sleep because she works another 12 tomorrow morning, and Mark and I stayed out here and talked while you snoozed happily and annoyingly on my lap for the next three hours. Now go to sleep." Youngjae knew you well.

You're quiet for awhile, trying to remember anything from last night. "Thank you," you say. "For picking us up at whatever time that was."

All you hear is the sound of Youngjae breathing, and just when you decide he's asleep already, he speaks up. "You remember that?"

"Not at all," you reply with a soft laugh. "Mark told me about it."

Youngjae sighs. "It was 2 in the morning. I was about to go to bed. Like right now. Shut up and let me sleep." He wraps his arm tighter around you and it's not long before his breaths come calm and steady.

It's as you're falling asleep that the earlier image of blonde hair resurfaces in your mind. While you now knew it wasn't Mark at all, the haze is gone and you can see Yugyeom's grinning face in your mind as he leaned in and kissed you. If only you could remember what that felt like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOUNGJAE. So it's kind of funny, because originally this was supposed to be posted five days ago (lol oops) so the note should have been "HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAMJOON" but THEN later that day E'DAWN AND HYUNA WERE KICKED OUT OF CUBE AND I WAS ABOUT TO LOSE MY SHIT(I was just very sad for them and upset) so then the note was going to include that, and now apparently Cube didn't kick them out but idk I'm still mad. Regardless, Namjoon still gets a Happy late Birthday :) I hope things work out for E'dawn and HyunA. Also, this chapter was going to be like this anyway so I find it funny that it's posted on Youngjae's birthday. (Cuddles on his birthday woot woot) I feel like there was something else I wanted to say... I don't know when I posted the first chapter but also Happy late Birthday to Jungkook and Mark! Okay I'm sorry have a good night
> 
> WAIT OKAY I REMEMBER WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY I hate Dominic lmao also wtffff happened at the party? You'll find out.


	4. Right Quick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Youngjae's laugh: a concept.  
> I just named the chapter "Right Quick" because I told Brinnie I was about to post it but "had to think of a chapter right quick" haha. Sorry for the wait, but I hope you enjoy ♡

Youngjae being awake by 11 in the morning was a normal occurrence and you'd grown used to it living with him for the past six months. Sofia was usually out of the house before 6, but you only knew that because of her work schedule. On the weekends that you'd been awake before Mark you found out he was up by 9, but that was because you saw him. Mark was a very quiet human. Youngjae, on the other hand, announced his consciousness in the form of singing. Sharing residency on the bottom floor of the house, despite your separate bedrooms, left you privy to his morning routine. He would wake up to his alarm and head straight to your shared bathroom for a 20-30 minute shower, then head to his room to get changed. That was usually what woke you up for good. When he first woke up he would quietly hum, but after his shower he fought the quiet of the morning with his loud voice. Youngjae was the only person you'd met whose throat was seemingly unaffected by the effects of sleep. Despite it waking you up, it was always pleasant, angelic as his voice was. You'd learned quickly to either wait in your room for a few, or to get used to seeing his shower-fresh body covered only by the towel wrapped around his waist. He never brought clothes to the bathroom with him and he had a tendency to leave his bedroom door opened while he changed.

All of this was fine. You'd seen plenty of bare chests in your life. What was _not_ fine, was his normal routine taking place three hours early today, thus waking you up three entire hours before necessary. Your shift in San Jose didn't start until 2 on any given workday so the 11AM alarm that was Youngjae was actually helpful. As of now, though, you're only on your fourth hour of sleep - _excuse you_ for wanting time to unwind after yesterday's shitty day at work, even if that unwinding time was a five hour Netflix binge.

You've buried your face under your pillow, an ineffective sound barrier and an uncomfortable means of suffocation. "Youngjae," you call, voice groggy and frustrated. You already know he can't hear you through your closed door and his jovial singing but motivation was a difficult thing to come by when lacking sleep. But, so was patience as you teetered on the cusp of sleep, held back only by your roommate. You roll quickly to your back with a huff and throw your hands down on the mattress at your sides. "Youngjae!"

The singing pauses so he can call an irritated, "What!" back at you. You want to scream.

"It's 8 in the fucking morning. Go to sleep."

You hear muffled shuffling outside of your door before it's abruptly swung open. Youngjae's head pokes around the side. "What?"

His hair is still wet, drops of water sliding down the dark strands to his awaiting shoulders. Your eyes follow the trail of one down his shoulder, down his arm holding on to the edge of your door. It reaches his elbow and falls to your carpet. He looks so innocent, brows furrowed in genuine confusion and slight concern, you rethink telling him to fuck off. Until, of course, he opens his mouth again.

"Y/N," he gasps, eyes wide in astonishment. "Did you call me in here just to check me out?" He grins goofily and opens the door fully to reveal his body. You're glad you chose to get used to seeing him in a towel.

"I'm trying to sleep," you say flatly. "Shut the fuck up."

"Denial doesn't look good on you," Youngjae admonishes, 'tsk'ing at the end. He steps further into your room and tilts his head. "I guess if you won't admit it yourself, I'll have to make you."

"Youngjae, seriously-" you start, but cut yourself off as he walks toward you. "Dude I fucking swear if you- Youngjae, get out of my room." None of your words faze him and he pulls your blanket back, smiling innocently before diving down and burying his hair in the crook of your neck. "Youngjae!" you shriek, hands pushing at his shoulders in vain as the water forces them right off. You twist away from him and swat blindly in his direction. You're forced out of your bed but he easily catches you and pulls you against his body, gleefully rubbing the water on you and your pajamas.

"Complain all you want, Y/N, but holding you like this while you lovingly sacrifice your worn pajamas to dry my cold and shaking body, I know this is where we're meant to be." He has his chin on your shoulder and you can perfectly picture his face, eyes closed and mouth stretched wide in a close-lipped smile, as he rubs his wet hair against the side of your face. You finally land an elbow to his ribs and he releases you to hold the spot, but he's still laughing. "So much for going back to sleep, huh Y/N?" he antagonizes. 

"Fuck off," you mumble, wiping a hand along your neck to remove some of the water. "Do you always walk around dripping water like that after your showers?"

Youngjae pushes his lips out as he shrugs then nods. "Usually, if I think there's a chance I'll see you."

"Oh my god," you say flatly as you turn away from him and head toward the bathroom. Might as well take a shower since you're already uncomfortably wet. You can hear him laughing behind you as you do, but you worry if you spare him a glance you'll march right back and punch him. 

Thirty minutes later, you're sitting at the dining table, hair held back in two loose braids. You had your legs pulled up in the chair with you, sipping slowly on your cup of coffee while glaring across the table at Youngjae. He's happily chewing his breakfast, unaffected by your annoyance.

"So," you begin, wrapping both hands around the warm cup to take a sip before continuing. At least he'd made coffee. "Why 8AM."

"I'm helping Jackson with something," he replies in a muffled voice. He swallows his food and takes a long drink of his juice before focusing his eyes on you. "You remember him right?" he asks cheekily.

"Dude seriously never wake up this early again. You're even more annoying." You'd woken up on the living room floor of your shared apartment Sunday morning, hungover and lacking hours of memory from Jackson's party, and Youngjae hadn't stopped giving you shit for the past three days. It's now Wednesday, and he's still going. To your horror, he'd seen both videos on Snapchat from Jackson and Bambam, which was how he knew about it when you woke up that day.

"Why are you so grumpy? I was just making sure you didn't conveniently forget him, too." Youngjae shrugs then picks his fork back up and continues eating.

You roll your eyes, leaning back in your chair as you do. You stare at the drawn curtains of the large window but don't really see it. You see small snippets of that night but none of it fits together. You're not even sure how much of it is real. Most of it feels like a dream. Over the course of three days you'd forgotten more of that night. That was how it went: you get super drunk, you blackout, you wake up still drunk but remember before you blacked out, and as you sober up parts of that also disappear. The difference was you had a chance of remembering those things. Whatever you did when you blacked out was gone, a portion of your life you would never remember and essentially never experience.

You could usually get over it, but you had apparently kissed Yugyeom and for whatever annoying reason you couldn't stop thinking about it. You'd seen him smoke pot the moment you met him but the way he had acted, childishly ruffling your hair and the way he laughed, the way he'd looked so enthralled when you told pointless stories about your life in the Midwest across the counter of Jackson's kitchen. The idea never even crossed your mind, unlike with Bambam. Bambam had been making it very obvious he would like to bend you over the counter with the way he tilted his head, the way he'd made sure he had your attention when he slowly licked his tongue along his lower lip. He'd been drawing your attention to all the right places the entire night and it paid off. You could at least remember making out with him at some point. Yugyeom was a complete surprise and you kept wondering how it felt. With Bambam, while you can't remember how it actually felt, you can remember thinking he was a good kisser and you can remember that you enjoyed it.

You wonder if Yugyeom was a good kisser, if he was gentle or rough. Were his lips soft like pillows - like Bambam's - or were they firm? Who had initiated it?

Probably you and your drunken-mess-of-a-self.

"Who's Jackson?" you ask sarcastically.

"Probably just some dude you made out with at that party. Heard there were a lot that night."

"Oh my god, I hate you. Have I told you that before? I _hate_ you." You get up from the table and push your chair in - angry or not you still had manners - and go to put your mug in the sink.

Youngjae calls after you, "Is it because we haven't made out?" You rinse the mug but leave it in the sink. Your annoying roommate can do it. As you're walking down the hall you hear him yell again, "Do you want to help?" but you're already walking down the stairs, right back to your bed.

Surprisingly, even after showering and drinking coffee, you manage to fall asleep. It still doesn't feel like enough when the sound of laughter rouses you shortly before noon. You barely waste any time getting out of bed, leaning down to grab a slipper before rising and marching towards your door. You yank your door open, slipper poised and ready for launch at Youngjae's head, but falter at the sight of the second head of shorter and lighter brown hair.

Your lips are molded around Youngjae's name, prepared to say it, to yell it, but all that comes out is a questioning, "Jackson?" accompanied by a tilted head.

There are two couches in the open area downstairs, perpendicular to each other. Youngjae is on the right one in the seat closest to the couch to the left where Jackson sits. The back of that couch is to you. The only reason you know it's Jackson is the way he's turned almost completely sideways, leaning against the armrest while talking to Youngjae. There's a coffee table between the couches and the TV, and you notice there are 4 bottles of beer, 2 of which are open. Part of you wants to scold them for drinking so early in the morning but you've been guilty of it a few times yourself.

Jackson turns, smile still etched on his face. Upon seeing you, his expression falls slightly, eyebrows lifted. "Y/N?" He looks perplexed as he turns back to Youngjae. "Wait, Youngjae, I thought your room was the other door." Youngjae immediately breaks out in a grin, chortling.

"What does that even mean?" you ask. "The other door is his room. That's mine." You use your entire arm to gesture to your door.

"You..." Jackson trails off, glancing between you, Youngjae, and the two doors in question repeatedly. He finally focuses on you. "Wait... Y/N..." He turns to Youngjae. "Y/N your roommate and Y/N from my party the other day are the same person? You live here?" he asks.

"What... Why else would I..."

"Man, that's great news. If you were here with Youngjae, Yugyeom would be really disappointed. Or was it Bambam?..." Jackson rubs his chin in thought. "Oh, not to say you can't fuck just because you guys are roommates. Sorry, I didn't mean to assume."

You turn to Youngjae. "Did you put him up to this or is he always such an ass?"

"Woah woah woah! I am _teasing_ , Y/N, fuck. That's what friends do. We're friends, aren't we?" The question reminds you of your first meeting a few days ago.

"No," you respond, crossing your arms. "I suppose we aren't." You snicker at Jackson's pout before he resigns, leaning back in his seat so his back is to you once more. "What does that mean, anyway? Bambam or Yugyeom being disappointed?"

"Maybe if we were friends I would tell you," he mumbles, looking out the window.

"Oooh, Y/N, you just destroyed your only chance of figuring it out." Youngjae 'tsk's and crosses his arms, shaking his head. "I'm obviously not going to tell you something helpful. Not unless I think I can get entertainment out of watching you embarrass yourself."

You flip him off and scrunch your face up as you stick your tongue out between your teeth. You turn to walk back to your room. It doesn't matter what it meant. Whatever happened that night happened, and there was nothing you could do to change it. Them being disappointed... Probably just trying to fuck again. If it happened at all.

"Wait," you freeze, then slowly turn back to Jackson. Without thinking, you launch yourself at him, hands on his shoulders as you lean over the top of him. He jumps and looks up at you curiously. "Did you see anything Saturday night? Between me and Bambam, I mean. Or Yugyeom."

"You mean besides you trying to fuck Bambam in my kitchen in front of everyone?" he asks sarcastically as he looks back down, shaking his head.

You release your grip on his shoulders and walk around to sit on the opposite end of the couch from him, ignoring Youngjae's laughter. "Yes, besides that. Like, specifically in the bedroom. Did they tell you anything?" _+1 Subtlety, Y/N._

The sound of footsteps upstairs draws your attention and you glance at the ceiling. Sofia must have gotten home early.

"Why don't you ask them yourself?" he asks smugly.

You frown, not understanding until you hear two voices chattering as they near the top of the stairs followed by laughter. Very familiar laughter. Suddenly, there's a loud yell and then silence, before a quiet voice mutters something and then there's a thud.

"You could have pushed me down the stairs!" you hear Bambam yell, clearly betrayed.

"You tried to push me first," Yugyeom asserts.

You look panicked between Youngjae and Jackson. Why the fuck are they here? You want to make a run for your bedroom but yours and Youngjae's doors are right at the bottom of the stairs. They would definitely see you.

You turn your worried stare back to the stairs just in time to see Yugyeom tumble down a few stairs before catching hold of the rails, holding his upper body up as his legs are tensed in a failed effort to catch on to something a few stairs higher.

You put your hand over your mouth as your eyes widen and you try not to laugh, partially out of panic but mostly of amusement.

"Bambam!" he cries, neck tensing as he tries to lift his head. "What the fuck, dude, what if I died?"

You hear Bambam laugh hysterically before you see his feet come into view, one polished boot at a time. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he rasped as he struggled to calm down and breathe.

In his fall, Yugyeom's shirt had lifted and you could see a small sectiion of his abdomen. You watch the muscles there contracting as he sits up with the aid of Bambam's outstretched hand.

Once again, your mind wanders to the party and you wonder if you had seen it before. Maybe he was one of those guys that leaves his shirt on during sex. If that even happened, of course. You were still holding on to a small hope that it hadn't, though that was mostly just because you didn't remember it. It was easy to pretend something didn't happen if you couldn't remember it.

"Y/N?" Bambam's voice pulls you from your thoughts. Yugyeom is still in the process of getting turned around on the stairs without falling down. Sucks to have such longs legs.

"Oh." You blink. "Hey."

"Y/N's here?" Yugyeom asks, maneuvering his head to the step below so he can look at you. He's sideways on the stairs now, legs almost straight in the air against the wall. He grins lopsidedly. It's probably only as cute as it is because he's upside down.

Bambam steps over Yugyeom's torso to continue down the stairs. Yugyeom quickly turns and slides down a few more steps before he manages to fix his position and stand and walk the last few steps, following Bambam's path towards you. Bambam sits on the couch between you and Jackson and Yugyeom sits casually on the arm of the couch beside you as if he didn't just fall a few moments prior. Just like the first time you met them, you're sandwiched between them.

"You left so suddenly the other night," Bambam comments, staring directly into your eyes. He looks concerned now. "Were you feeling okay?"

The calmness of his voice disorients you. The day you met it seemed like every time he talked to you he was trying to undress you, both with his eyes and with his words. "Uh," you start, then clear your throat. "Yeah, I was just tired."

Youngjae snorts. "Yeah, she was passed out on the living room floor when I woke up the next morning." You lean forward to glare at him, causing him to sneer.

Yugyeom's eyes widen and he whines. "Y/N, you should have just stayed the night. You were so good," he exasperates, falling against the couch in a calculated manner so as not to fall off.

You open your mouth to respond, though you aren't sure what you're going to say until Bambam talks. "Yeah, I've never been with a girl like that before. Most of them just let the guys do their thing but you really got into it."

You turn to stare at Bambam, gaping. You can see Youngjae, brows furrowed. His lips are in a hard line but you can't fathom why he'd look so angry.

"You got so aggressive with Kookie, it made it worth it to just watch and wait my turn," Yugyeom adds.

"Kookie?" you finally manage to say. "Jungkook was there too?"

"Yeah, don't you remember? Dude, you really blew his mind."

You catch sight of Jackson, who just looks impressed. Youngjae looks like he's about to jump out of his chair. You? You just feel... sick? Confused? Maybe a little content to finally not have to wonder about it finally.

Sick, because this should be a bigger deal, so why does Jackson look impressed? Why isn't he yelling at the two on either side of you to stop talking so openly about this? Confused because why does it matter to Youngjae? He's been teasing you relentlessly the past three or four days about it.

You guess this is what your life has come to. You have to get so drunk that you don't remember it in order to hook up with anybody. 

"Woah, why do you look so fucked up about it?" Bambam asks, waving his hand in your face a bit.

"Yeah, it's just a game. You said you used to play it a lot. Still didn't prepare Kookie, though."

_Game? I used to play? Would I use words like that?_

"Just a game," you repeat absentmindedly.

Yugyeom and Bambam stare at you silently before giving each other a look. "Yeah..." Yugyeom says slowly before pulling his phone out. He quickly types something before shoving the device in your face a few moments later. "Mario Kart. For the Wii, of course, because Jackson thinks a Wii is enough to keep his child satisfied but that's a discussion for another time."

"Dude, fuck off, I'm not trying to make her stay in her room the entire time she's with me, and she's only six so I'd say it's more than enough for now," Jackson defends, crossing his arms.

Mario Kart? They... "You were talking about Mario Kart?" you finally ask.

"Yeah? I don't think we played anything else," Bambam says, looking at the ceiling in thought.

"Wait," you say as you shake your head, looking back and forth between them quickly. "So we just played Mario Kart all night? We didn't fuck?"

"Oh, that was later," Yugyeom says nonchalantly.

Your eyes widen in horror as you shriek, "What!"

Jackson looks like he's about to jump out of his seat. "In my daughters room?!" His voice is strained, as are his knuckles when he tightens his grip on the arm of the couch.

"Oh my god, how many times did you go back there and check on us?" Bambam complains. "It was a joke. Yugyeom, quit trying to get yourself killed." He looks at you and smiles reassuringly. "Promise, nothing else happened besides making out."

"Wait you really don't remember?" Yugyeom asks. When you look at him he's pouting. You would assume he's playing, but the tone of his voice suggests he's actually hurt.

You shake your head. "I'm sorry. I actually don't remember much after the s'mores."

"That's okay! You did drink a lot that night," Bambam recounts with a slight nod. "There are a few fuzzy spots for me, but it's mostly just conversations I can't recall."

You hear Yugyeom beside you muttering quietly to himself, "I'm not memorable."

You turn to him, trying to hide a grin. He was so childlike at times, it was adorable. "What about you, Yug? You remember everything?" It was hard to imagine he did, given how drunk he'd seemed even before you guys started taking shots together.

"I do. I always remember. The only thing that alcohol changes is my inhibitions." He crosses his arms. "Well, maybe just my entire personality? Or... not personality, but... intentions? Wants? I don't know. I've made some questionable decisions while drunk that repulse me when I'm sober." He focuses his gaze on you. "You weren't questionable. Just abandoned inhibitions. In case you're wondering."

Four things happen, then: first, you blush. Normally, it's because you're embarrassed, but the smile begging to be displayed on your lips shows that part of you is happy at this revelation. Second, your heart beats harder. A number of things can cause this, like excitement, exercise, and anxiety. This is a familiar feeling though. The way he'd stared directly into your eyes and said he was so sure of you as a decision stirred feelings up in your gut, the kind of feelings you hadn't felt since a year ago when you first got close to Dominic. Third, you quickly look away so nobody in the room can see your face. It made you feel pathetic but you felt inadequate a lot after everything that happened with Dominic, and sometimes you wondered if you purposely shut down the possibility of feelings because you thought you weren't allowed, or worthy. There was a voice in the back of your head telling you it wasn't real, it was all a joke. _As much of a joke as you were to Dominic._ Finally, fourth, your breathing picks up as a result of this overload of thoughts. Especially the last one. It was the first time you'd actively said, or thought, the words to yourself, that you were a joke to Dominic. You knew your friends all thought it, but who was going to tell their heartbroken, thick-headed friend that they meant nothing? Would you let your friends live in a lie if they were in the same situation? At least your California friends had tried to make you see it.

Of course, knowing was never the same as accepting. Not to mention, how many times in the past had you told yourself you meant nothing to him and barely the next day gone running back to him because he "needed" you? How could you simultaneously mean nothing to someone and be needed by them?

You suppose the only reason it made you feel that way coming from Yugyeom is because of how genuine he seems. You'd been told plenty of cringey and cute things since moving to California but it was pretty easy to spot a fuckboy lately. Yugyeom really doesn't strike you as the type, despite only hanging out with him for a few hours total and having apparently made out with him in that time.

Bambam probably would have come off as a fuckboy to you if you hadn't spent the extra time with him at the park before the party, but it was clear to you he enjoyed messing with people. Especially now that you knew you hadn't fucked. You would have been an easy lay at that time. You wonder if it even crossed his mind.

"Y/N are you embarrassed?" Jackson immediately pounces on the opportunity to tease you. Normally Youngjae would have been the first one to it, but he still looked off. You stare at him, brows furrowed. He finally notices your eyes are on him and smiles. It's still off. Something's bothering him but you can't possibly begin to figure out what it is. You'll ask him about it later.

"Wait is she?" Yugyeom asks as he grabs your shoulders. He pulls you backwards so he can lean over you and inspect your face. You don't really know how to react to it. Part of you feels like you should pull away and hide your face because having him looking at you so closely is making your face feel hot all over again, but you can't even move. You're stuck there, head resting against his thigh and wide-eyed while he just purses his lips. "I can't tell," he says slowly, uncertainly. You can feel his breath fan across your cheek as he turns your head, as if your cheeks have the answers. He turns your head so your face is directed up towards his again, his lips directly in your line of vision.

"Yugyeom!" you finally squeal, pulling out of his grasp and away from him. The mix of his thumbs on your cheeks and his mouth right in front of you made you wonder about what it was like to kiss him again. Did his hands feel that soft that night too?

Yugyeom looks surprised and Bambam laughs. "You're gonna scare her off," he comments then winks at you.

_Why is the idea of kissing them messing your head up so much right now?_

"I actually have to get ready for work," you lamely excuse yourself, pushing up from the couch.

"You're leaving already?" Yugyeom whines. "But we just got here!"

"Unless you plan on visiting me at work," you say with a shrug, "then yes. I'll see you some other time maybe."

"Wait!" Bambam calls as you head back to your room. "Where do you work?"

You ignore his question as you continue your walk, a small grin forming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Jackson has a kid and you didn't even ask cause you were so caught up in your own problems. K. (as if I'm not the one in control of this ha) It'll get brought up again soon, in case anybody was confused by it. ALSO. I would just like to mention Youngjae and you have a good relationship despite all the bickering. Lol. Okay what else. Uhh I'm really sorry for how long it took me to post this chapter. It was pretty much finished this entire time, I literally just didn't have the motivation to write a few more paragraphs to end it. I meant to post it on Jinyoung's birthday buuuut I'm a piece of shit. Anyway, happy late birthday to him! And another happy late birthday to Jimin!
> 
> Brinnie and I thought it would be funny to get a calendar and only put the members birthdays from groups we stan in it. Just celebrate every birthday. We aren't going to obviously but it's a funny thought.
> 
> Shit I just got into Monsta X too, so happy late birthday to Jooheon! Brinnie and I got ideas from watching some of their videos for a gang au so I also got a little sidetracked by that but I'm not posting that for awhile.
> 
> Anyway sorry for wasting your time down here. Have a great week guys!


	5. No Sense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your decisions are, as usual, a mess. ♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some kind of smutty stuff in here and I'm sorry because it's essentially my first time writing it(technically I've written something smutty like twice before in my life but it hardly counts). Okay but mostly just like, bear with me here. Also sorry about the word count.

"Hmm." A middle-aged woman purses her lips as she stares at the menu in her hands. She'd had at least a full minute to look it over before you arrived but had instead spent it talking to the man across from her, presumably her husband. "I guess I'll have a Coke."

"We have Pepsi products," you respond with an apologetic smile. She was just looking at the beverages where it clearly shows the Pepsi symbol, but you weren't going to judge that quickly.

"Why are you smiling about it?" she asks rudely, laying the menu flat against the table as she makes direct eye-contact. "What, it's so funny when someone says the wrong thing?" Oh, dear god. _Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name..._ "I obviously meant Pepsi, then." She scoffs and rolls her eyes at you, turning her head away as if it was dastardly of you to not make the connection.

"Sorry, ma'am," you apologize as you duck your head in a small show of respect. "I want to make sure I get your order right." It wasn't easy but after working in customer service for so long you learned it was better to make them happy instead of letting the bad attitude persist, no matter how unwarranted. It made the rest of the interactions more pleasant and you spent less time dwelling on it, meaning you spent less time thinking you had a shit day.

Of course, there would be exceptions, people who treated you poorly no matter your response.

"Don't try to pamper me with that 'ma'am' stuff. I know you're just here for a paycheck. Don't act like you know respect when you only do it for tips." Part of you wanted to applaud her on how outspoken she was because, in truth, a lot of the young people you'd met who worked with customers were only polite because it was their job. Admittedly, you probably wouldn't let someone talk to you like this outside of work but you still had to maintain professionalism while on the clock and in your uniform. If an exchange like this happened outside of work, you would probably just leave the situation. Not to say you walked away from fights, but this was one of those better-left-alone things.

Something else that had taken a lot of practice was biting your tongue, not from defending yourself but from sarcasm. It was easily a young adults biggest downfall these days. As much as you want to tell her, yes, you're only here for a paycheck right now otherwise you'd probably be at home napping or pestering Youngjae, you swallow the words and your pride. "I'm sorry," you repeat, dipping your head down again. You're careful to leave the word of respect behind. When you raise it back up, you meet her eyes. She looks disgusted with you and every other 20-something-year-old in existence. Maintaining even breathing, you turn to the man across from her. He looks uncomfortable, to put it lightly. His shoulders are tense, knuckles white from the force at which he clamps his fists shut. He doesn't look angry though. He looks like he's cringing. "What may I get you to drink?"

At the question, he finally turns his eyes towards you and you can instantly see the apology in them. It's all it takes to let you brush off the incident with the woman he shares the table with. Either something happened, or she's always like this. It wasn't you. It wasn't fair, but if you protested every unfair thing in the world you'd probably die protesting, or from heartache. That was your attitude on most things. You let a lot slide, definitely too much, because you couldn't be bothered with feeling above it or entitled to something. Even if that something was absolutely meant for you, like happiness. "Coffee," the man answers, interrupting your internal monologue of apathy. It was probably a good thing, too, because as oblivious as you were to them, those monologues could turn dark quickly. "Ahh, go ahead and get me a shot of espresso too. Double. Sorry. One of those nights, you know?" He smiles warmly but the creases at the corners of his eyes show stress more than age. Maybe it was just the way his eyelids drooped, or that his smile didn't reach his eyes. "Gotta stay awake tonight somehow," he adds with a chuckle.

You smile in understanding. "I think espresso was my dads entire diet for awhile."

_My entire childhood._

"You're staying at the office again?" you hear the woman question after you'd walked away.

Well that sounds familiar.

Besides that table, the others before and after were smooth. The man had even spotted you on his way out and apologized for his wife's behavior, explaining that they had a son your age who had cut off contact with them recently and she was heartbroken. He even handed you two $20's before thanking you again and leaving, so that was a bonus. 

"Hey, Y/N," a co-worker calls. You turn to her, dishes in hand. "I just seated a couple at 24. I'm heading out."

"Okay, thanks." She waves before walking away.

It's 10, now, only an hour before closing. The restaurant was rarely busy on a Wednesday night and tonight was no exception. You had just cleared your last table, besides the one your co-worker gave you. 

After dropping the dishes off in the back, you smooth out your uniform and head out to the table. "Hi! Can I get you-" You stop short, mouth falling open in surprise.

"Depends how you want me," Bambam answers lowly with a grin and winks at you. His hands are clasped in front of his face, elbows on the table.

Yugyeom laughs across from him before looking up to your face again. "Are you surprised to see us? You told us to come see you, didn't you?" His eyes are wide and child-like but you can see the amusement behind it. He really uses his young face to his advantage.

"That is so not what I said," you respond in a flat voice, resisting rolling your eyes. Admittedly, it wasn't that hard when they both looked as adorable as they did in their attempt to bother you. It was in a friendly way, though, and you wondered at what point through the night you met them that they decided you could have that relationship. Did they normally get drunk and make out with new friends?

Oh, great. As if this morning hadn't been enough of a nuisance with the thoughts of kissing them plaguing your mind, Bambam was giving you the same look he had at the party when he tried to seduce you. It almost worked at the party and even now your heart is beating a little faster. You aren't used to that kind of attention from someone like him. Or Yugyeom, for that matter, who is now smiling so wide his eyes are closed and resting his chin in both his hands. They'd now gone out of their way, a 45 minute drive, just to see you and shoot you some looks. 

"Are you blushing? You totally wanted us to come see you!" Bambam concludes, smile stretching further. Now both boys' white teeth are on display for you, one looking like a happy little kid and the other an amused teenager. You wonder if they'd be upset to know you found them both child-like or if they'd accepted it a long time ago.

"I'm not blushing!" you exasperate but you can feel the heat on your cheeks. Honestly, it was only this bad because he said you were blushing and it flustered you. What a conundrum.

"You are! Seriously, go to the bathroom and see for yourself."

You narrow your eyes at him and purse your lips, not wanting to accept defeat but knowing there's no way for you to win this one. The evidence was clearly painted on your cheeks. "Can I get you guys anything to drink?" you try again.

"I want Dr. Pepper," Yugyeom answers easily. He smiles sweetly, tilting his head to the side slightly.

"What do you have that's as sweet as you?" Bambam asks with a straight face.

"Me," you answer like it was the only option.

His eyes widen slightly. "Can I have you?"

"Not for sale," you quip, and before he can respond you add, "So, sweet tea?"

"Fine," he relents, slouching against his booth seat.

You raise a brow while biting back a grin and tap your pen against the unused notepad in your hand. "Appetizer?"

Slowly, brown eyes find yours. "You already know what I want," he says quietly, earning more laughs from Yugyeom. The sound of his best friends laughter brings a smile to Bambam's face and when he looks at you again he looks innocent, the way he did when he asked if you were okay this morning.

"Jackson would smack you if he heard the way you were talking to this poor girl," Yugyeom points out, still grinning but now shaking his head.

"I see you've got expensive taste," you begin, tucking the notepad and pen into a pocket. "I'll bring you one of each appetizer. I'm sure your wallet would love it. Please look over the menus while I'm gone," you say and bow slightly before turning and leaving.

"Y/N!" Bambam calls helplessly. "Please don't do that!" All he can see is your retreating form, oblivious to your grin. Obviously you weren't going to do it. You weren't going to risk getting in trouble at work like that. "I can barely afford my rent!" You snicker but don't turn back.

When you bring their drinks back to them, Yugyeom happily drinks his soft drink and hums in contentment. Bambam looks skeptically at his tea, taking an experimental sip. He scrunches his face up like it's sour. "You're way sweeter than this drink," he comments, sliding the glass away from him.

You roll your eyes but Yugyeom looks petrified. "You can't go around saying things like that!" he whines, slouching against the table like the large child he is. "Besides, when did you guys ever do that?"

"Oh my god, Yugyeom, I meant kissing!" Bambam's eyes are as wide as yours now and he looks as freaked out as you felt the entire three days thinking you'd blacked out and hooked up with them. His wide eyes focus on you momentarily, searching your face in concern that they'd officially stepped out of line, but upon seeing the blush coating your cheeks his eyes soften. "Look, she's blushing again."

You weren't even going to deny it this time. Your face was positively on fire, but surprisingly, so were your nerves. Yugyeom's assumption had put more images in your head and you hated to admit it but the idea of Bambam's mouth on you, doing more than just kissing you, was... hot.

"Y/N?" Yugyeom asks, brows quirked. He leans over to force himself in your line of sight. "Hey, are you okay? You look..."

You nod stiffly, eyes still wide and breathing shallow. It's been a long time since you've felt so flustered, you don't know how to handle yourself. "I, um. I'll be back to take your order, if you aren't ready now. Take your time." You turn and walk briskly to the women's restroom, leaving a confused and concerned duo behind you. You suppose you should have stuck around in case they knew what they wanted, but given that you knew them you decided you could take this one break.

The door pushes open easily, a slight draft sending shivers over your arms as you pass through the doorway. The bathrooms were always so much colder than the rest of the restaurant. You immediately lean against the wall, careful to step around the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign despite your legs feeling like Jell-O. Tilting your head back, you breathe slowly out through your mouth for a few moments until you feel like it was even again. Then you walk to the sinks, putting your hands over your cheeks to feel how hot they actually are.

Still hot.

You pull them away and your eyes widen at how red your cheeks actually are. "Good god," you mutter as you turn the cold water on. You splash it quickly on your face, careful not to smudge the makeup you'd applied before work.

The door swings open and when you look up into the mirror again you nearly scream at the sight of someone standing behind you. Your hand finds its way to your chest, as if the touch will calm your racing heart. Your eyes find Bambam's in the reflection and you're momentarily relieved, until... "What the fuck are you doing in here?!"

His eyes widen, surprised at the accusatory tone you'd used. He looks like he wants to say something, but his face changes as he narrows his eyes suddenly. "Seriously, you didn't put appetizers on our order, did you? I wanted to buy a gram tonight and I won't have the extra to spend if we got appetizers."

You roll your eyes. "You really followed me into the bathroom for that? No, of course I didn't put them on."

He forces out a sigh of relief. "I just wanted to check on you," he mutters, rubbing the back of his neck and refusing to meet your eyes.

"What?" you ask. You're sure you heard him but he seemed so awkward about it.

"Wanna make out?" he says instead.

"Dude, Bambam, what the fuck. Get out of the bathroom."

"You didn't say no," he points out with a cheesy smile.

"I will seriously get in so much trouble if I get caught in here with you. You can't be in the girls bathroom. Girls are snitches." You think about your co-workers. The only co-worker you would trust not to tell on you wasn't working today. Besides that, you definitely _weren't_ considering his offer.

"Okay," he says, and for a moment you think he's going to give it up and leave. "But do you want to kiss me again? If you even remember the first time."

You roll your eyes. Of course he wouldn't give it up. "I remember," you say monotonously, finally shifting your gaze to his.

A natural mistake, as he instantly takes it as an invitation to step closer to you. In truth. you _did_ want to kiss him again, but you weren't sure if it was the right decision. You didn't want to use somebody to distract yourself from how much you missed Dominic and how sorry you felt that you couldn't make it work.

"You're being so evasive and I feel like I should leave you alone but the way you keep looking at me and biting your lip makes me wonder if you're toying with me." Bambam's head is tilted to the side and his eyes are slightly narrowed as if it would help him read you.

Once he mentions it, you become aware that you'd been subconsciously biting your lower lip. Out of nervousness, desire or uncertainty, you weren't sure. Maybe a combination of the three?

When you don't say anything, he backs away. "Alright, alright, I'm sorry. I just wanted to check on you because you looked kind of upset back at the table, but you look so cute when you're shy and trying to be feisty to cover it up and I just wanted to kiss you but I didn't want to do it without-" He pauses finally, as if he's just realizing how much he's saying. "Ah, it doesn't matter. Do you want to hang out with us when you get off work then? I'll smoke you out," he says with a wink. In truth, you weren't upset at what they said, or the way he'd been talking to you all night. You were upset at how easily it flustered you. Really, you might even say you felt flattered by the attention.

Finding your voice, you want to keep your mouth closed but you can't stop yourself. "We can hang out tonight, but I want to hang out with you right now."

"In the bathroom?" he asks as he tilts his head and again, he looks innocent. How could he go back and forth so easily and so quickly?

"I don't care," you answer immediately not breaking eye-contact.

Realization crosses his features. "I-, hm. Y/N, I-." He closes his mouth again, pursing his lips as he stares at you. "Why are you playing with me?" You don't respond. You don't know how to. Are you playing with him? Maybe this road of indecision was a bad idea to let someone else travel with you. He steps forward, his long legs bringing him in front of you in one motion. "Y/N, don't do something you'll regret. Are you fucking with me? Do you want me to kiss you?"

"Yes," you whisper, covering the shake in your voice. He's directly in front of you, hands holding one of your own as he stares at you in earnest.

"To which one? You're fucking with me or you want to-"

You cut him off by pressing your lips against his. You reach your free hand behind his head to pull him towards you so you don't have to stand on your tip-toes. He responds instantly, wrapping his arms around you to pull you against him completely.

The feeling is both familiar and foreign to you. You could remember kissing him, you remembered enjoying it, but you didn't remember he was this _good_. Your heart flutters as you feel him pull your bottom lip between his teeth, lightly biting it. Wait, was it your heart?

You become acutely aware of the butterflies in your stomach, trailing down to your thighs. How could a kiss make you horny? 

Before you can feel embarrassed, Bambam groans into your mouth and you feel... something. You pull away and glance down, noticing the outline of his semi-hard dick in his pants. "Oh- oh my god." You're still breathless from the kiss, unsure how or when it even got so intense. "Bam- Fuck, Bambam, you can't be in here." Suddenly you're pushing him away and towards the door. "We'll get in trouble, I- I could get fired, or something, I don't even know what they would-"

Bambam presses his lips against yours again in a cursory kiss before pulling away. His hands slide from your shoulders to your wrists, capturing them in his large hands. "You said women are snitches?" he asks, chest expanding and deflating with rapid breaths. You open your mouth and close it again, unsure where he was going with this. He grins wickedly and releases one wrist, reaching behind him for the door. He pulls it open, enough for the two of you to slip through and backs up, sliding his hands up to your elbows as he tugs you with him. You're skidding and stumbling as you keep going back and forth between following and thinking you should leave. His back hits the men's door across the small space and he pushes it open as you hear the women's door behind you shut.

Standing in the men's bathroom is a strange feeling as you'd only been in here a few times before for cleaning. It was cleaned even more recently than the women's bathroom, the floor still wet under your shoes.

Bambam leans forward again to kiss you but you lean away. "We'll still get in trouble in here. I'm still on the clock and clearly not supposed to be in here right now."

"There's an easy solution to that," he retorts and turns, leaving one hand on your arm. He lets it slide down to wrap around your wrist again as he pulls you towards the last stall. It's the largest, a handicap stall. Once you're both inside, he closes the door behind you and locks it.

"Wow Bambam, this is so romantic," you comment tonelessly as you look around the stall. _Good thing it was just cleaned_ , you think with a slight shudder.

"On the plus side, it just gets better from here," he responds with a grin. You roll your eyes but don't stop the smile that forms. The smile spurs him on and he closes the distance once more, immediately finding your lips with his.

Despite the sub-par setting, you tilt your head and immediately open your mouth to his. There was no sense in taking it slow when you'd just been making out thirty seconds ago. The feeling of Bambam's tongue against yours heightens the feeling between your legs, earning a quiet moan. You'd never properly used tongue in a kiss before. Guys had tried shoving their tongue in your mouth plenty of times but it always felt gross or wrong. Bambam really seemed to know what he was doing.

You put your hands against his chest, pushing him back so there were a few inches of space between you. He opens his eyes, searching yours quickly for any mistake. "Are you good at everything with your tongue?" you ask, biting your lip and struggling to maintain eye contact. Where was this even coming from? Were you that horny that you were suggesting _that_ to someone you barely knew? In a fucking bathroom stall at work, at that? You wanted it. You definitely wanted it, but that was the frustrating part.

Bambam grins, oblivious to your internal turmoil. "What are you doing to me," he mutters quietly against your forehead. He leans down and kisses you quickly before dropping to his knees.

_Oh, god. Oh god oh god oh god, this is really about to fucking happen. What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck._

Bambam reaches for the button of your pants, stopping to look up at you and wait for any sign of objection. "Fucks sake," you mutter and reach down to undo the button and zipper, letting them fall down your thighs.

"Jesus, you're so impatient," he says as he pulls your pants down to your ankles.

"I'm at work," you point out with a quirked brow. Why are you still encouraging it? Shouldn't your reason for moving so fast be the reason you don't _do_ it? 

One corner of Bambam's lips turn up in a smirk. "I'll be quick then." And quick he was as he hooked his thumb under your panties and pulled them aside. 

Bambam doesn't waste a second as he hoists one leg up, leaving your pants around the other ankle, so your thigh rests on his shoulder. His bony fingers press into the flesh as he holds it in place before leaning forward and placing an experimental lick in a slow strip between your legs. You gasp at the suddenness of it, your hand shooting to the back of his head to hold him against you. Your fingers thread easily in his hair, begging him to do something. He circles his tongue before wrapping his plump lips around your clit, sucking gently. You breathe in deeply, sighing in pleasure before he sucks harder. You whimper and your fingers tighten in his hair, but he wants more. He needs to hear you moan, needs you to pull his hair and force his tongue against you. 

"Fuck!" you gasp breathlessly as he sucks your clit harshly between his teeth, lightly grazing it. You let out a strangled moan and work him like a puppet, tighening your grip in his hair to pull his head away from you. "Don't-" you begin, breathing heavily. You feel dazed; it's been nine months, after all, since anyone has touched you this way. Any touch was foreign and exciting and intense and- "Don't do that. I- I can't keep-" Bambam wordlessly releases his lips from you, settling for languid licks against you that instantly have you sighing in a mix of pleasure and relief. Your fingertips massage gently against his scalp as you push your hand through his hair, eyes closed and lips parted. Bambam watches the way the rise and fall of your chest speeds up with his tongue and without even looking at him you can feel his salacious grin. You can't be bothered to give a fuck about it though as you feel him push his tongue harder against you, feel the combination of his saliva and your own wetness spread from your opening to your clit.

As he flicks his tongue against you in small, quick movements, he uses his free hand to run his middle finger through your wet folds, coating the first knuckle.

"Please do it," you beg quietly. With the way your eyebrows are pinching together and the needy way you grind your hips down it comes off as a whine. If that's what it would take for him to put his fucking fingers in you right now you would. 

You open your eyes and drop your head down to stare at him. You hadn't taken the time to properly admire how hot he looks with his face between your legs, the way that you could tell he was enjoying himself even when his eyes were closed. Slowly, he opened them and immediately met your gaze. He moved his tongue in slower licks as he pushed his fingertip inside you then withdrew it as if he'd changed his mind.

"You said you would be quick," you complain, glaring at him. Despite your annoyance, feeling his tongue working against you while he watches you, watching him watch you, turns you on even more and you can't stop yourself from lightly grinding your hips against his mouth, biting your lip at his half-lidded expression.

He sinks one skinny finger into you down to the last knuckle, relishing in the way your bottom lip is freed from your teeth as you shakily moan at the feeling. He slowly pumps it in and out of you, curling it as he does. He watches as your eyes flutter closed and you lean your head back against the wall. His eyes slip shut as he adds a second finger. You groan slightly in embarrassment at the sound, not sure if it's his saliva or if you're actually just that wet. You wouldn't be surprised if it was the latter. While you didn't necessarily have an emotional attachment to Bambam you were clearly sexually interested. As if of their own accord, your hips start rocking against his tongue again, slowly riding his fingers.

You tug at his hair and grind your teeth as he increases the pace of his fingers, pushing them faster and harder into you. He flattens his tongue against your clit and laps at it like his only job is to make you cum. Really, at that moment it kind of is.

The moment you feel your stomach tightening, your chest deflates as you let out a breathless, "Fuck." Bambam hums his appreciation of the sounds you make. It vibrates through you and you can't help but moan again. It echoes through the room and you quickly cover your mouth with the back of your hand, biting lightly into it.

Bambam curls his fingers in a way that has you arching your back, pressing your head harder against the cold wall. You quietly whimper as he pushes them as deep as they'll go and pulls them back out, pulling his mouth away from you at the same time. He maneuvers so his arm wraps completely around your thigh so he can replace his tongue with his thumb, rubbing quick small circles around your clit as he thrusts his fingers in and out of you faster than before. He rests his head against your thigh and stares up at you from large hooded eyes. His lips are dark and swollen and wet and watching his deep inhales shows you he's just as turned on as you are. It isn't the kind of breathless you get from working out. It's the kind you get when you can barely control yourself, and something about the way he's looking at you tells you it's taking everything in him to not get up and fuck you against the wall right there.

You feel like you could cum just at the thought of it and instinctively you push your hips down onto his fingers. "You wanna cum?" Bambam practically purrs, his accent slipping out thicker than before. You tighten around his fingers at the sound of his voice and he lets out a breathy laugh. You vigorously nod your head. _God_ yes, you want to cum. "Do you want to cum on my fingers?"

"Tongue," you barely manage to pant out. "U-use your tongue, please." You could have cringed at your use of the word 'please' if you weren't so focused on how good he was making you feel. He obliges and slides his tongue back over you, flattening it as he lapped at your clit again. He was amazing with his fingers but something about the wetness and the softness and the warmth of his tongue- "Bambam," you moan quietly, grinding your hips harder against his tongue and fingers. "Bambam, I'm-" you cut off as you feel your walls continuously clench and unclench with your approaching orgasm. You know if you talk anymore you won't be able to keep quiet. It hits suddenly, starting from where his tongue met your skin and quickly spreading out to your lower stomach and thighs. You can feel your body repeatedly squeezing around his fingers as you struggle not to cry out from the pleasure of it.

It was the first time anyone else had made you cum.

Bambam waits until your hips stop moving, slowly sliding his tongue back and forth against you to let you ride it out. When you rest breathlessly panting against the wall he pulls his fingers from you and slides his tongue from your opening to his mouth, lapping up some of your cum in the process. Chunks of his hair are mussed up where you'd mercilessly grabbed and pulled. It's a good look on him, knowing why it happened and that you're the one who did it. Gently, he moves your thigh from his shoulder, helping you until your foot is flat on the floor again. He pulls your pants and back up your legs as he stands up, taller than you once again and with barely any space between you. He doesn't break eye-contact as he slides his fingers covered in your mess into his mouth one after the other, sucking them clean. You feel your stomach clench at the sight.

_I'm way too fucking attracted to him._

Once they're all clean, he reaches down between you to button and zip your pants.

It's the first time anyone has helped you get dressed after anything like that.

You don't know what to say, eyes large and curious and confused. Your lips are parted and your breaths are shallow, still reeling both from your orgasm and from watching him lick his fingers after.

He rests both hands on your hips and smiles at you, leaning in to press a quick kiss to your lips. "Was that quick enough?" You nod slowly, then realize how stupid you must look with your mouth open like that. You quickly press your lips together and nod your head faster, causing him to laugh. He wraps his arms around your shoulders and pulls you close to him. "Oh my god, my heart is racing. I've never done anything like that." He chuckles and rocks on his feet, swaying your body with his.

"Me neither," you admit quietly. "Bambam," you say quietly and move your head away from his shoulder to look into his eyes. He looks down at you with a quiet "hm?" and you lean your head back down in embarrassment. "Nobody's ever made me cum like that before."

"Was it that good?" he asks in quiet amazement.

"No, I- Well, yeah it was fucking great but I mean-" you pause, not sure you want to tell him he's the first to make you cum like that, the first to care enough to make you feel that good and to help you get dressed afterwards and not immediately try to stuff his dick down your throat. "Yeah it was fucking great," you finish with a dazed grin, melting into his embrace.

At that moment the bathroom door swings open. Bambam immediately pins you against the wall and taps the side of your thigh so you get the message to wrap your legs around him. In this position you can feel how hard and thick his dick is. To your disdain it's making you horny again. He puts a finger up against his lips as a silent reminder to be quiet.

Like you needed the reminder. Your heart is racing from your panic. You shouldn't have been so stupid, fuck you hope you don't get caught. Not just from the possibility of getting fired but the humiliation... Oh, god, you didn't even know Bambam that well. You'd only known him for three days and you didn't even know his actual first name or what he did for work but now you knew what his fingers felt like inside you and he knew how you tasted.

"Bambam," you hear Yugyeom whine. Immediately yours and Bambam's shoulders both sag in relief. You still don't want to get caught but at least Yugyeom won't tell. "When are you gonna be done? I'm so bored and lonely out there by myself."

"Soon," Bambam responds over his shoulder. When he turns to face you again a mischievous grin stretches across his face. You tilt your head in question before he slowly grinds his hips into yours, pushing you lightly into the wall. Your hands find purchase on his shoulders, fingertips digging into them as you try to focus on something else that won't cause you to make noise.

"Hey, did you see that June and Jaebum finally got a cat? He's so cute!" Yugyeom gushes. "They posted a picture on Instagram earlier. I think it's a little fucked up they didn't send a family addition message to the group chat first, but that's fine I guess."

"Youngjae really can only hang out at Jackson's now," Bambam responds and laughs slightly.

"Yeah but now Jaebum won't be coming over as often to play with your cats and we won't have to worry about Jinyoung and him teaming up to lecture us about dishes or music or whatever it is they decide to yell at us about."

You hear Yugyeom shuffle outside and imagine he just got comfortable on the counter. Bambam seems to pay it no mind as he pushes his hips against you again. You bite your bottom lip and bury your face in the crook of his neck as he does it again, harder this time.

"Dude, you know that girl Kailey that just ghosted Jungkook not even two weeks ago?" Yugyeom continues in the silence. Bambam lets out a small sound to acknowledge he'd heard him before slowly pushing harder against you. Your arms naturally tighten around him as you curl your toes and barely hold on to the silence. "She messaged him last night and said she wasn't ready for a relationship and just needed to focus on herself, but she just commented on some Jaehyun dudes picture with thirst emojis. Dude, who even meets people through Instagram? She should have just told Jungkook that she wanted to fuck but now she's just a girl who uses guys for sex." Bambam didn't seem to care about his words as he continued grinding you into the wall. At this point you knew you could cum again if he picked up the pace a bit, but it would make too much noise. Although, Yugyeom's storytelling was putting a damper on the mood. "Isn't that fucked up?" Yugyeom asks.

"Yeah," Bambam replies simply and pushes against you.

Yugyeom makes a noise of discontent. "You're boring." You playfully frown at Bambam before tightening your legs around his waist, forcing him harder against you. "What about you, Y/N? Don't you think it's fucked up?"

You freeze, eyes wide and staring into Bambam's own surprised face. When you turn your head towards the stall to the spot you imagine Yugyeom is leaning, you open your mouth but can't bring yourself to say anything. You had definitely been caught right? Maybe if you just own it it won't be as awkward. "Y-yeah," you finally manage. Bambam releases a breath against your neck and drops his head, buried in your neck like yours was in his. His soft lips are leaving light kisses there while you search for words to say. "You shouldn't string people along regardless of what's going on with you." Your mind drifts to Dominic and you immediately put a hand on Bambam's shoulder to push him away from you. His eyes are wide with curiosity as he lets you on the floor gently and steps away from you. You feel confused by the contrast of your shitty thoughts and the ache between your legs.

As you push the stall door open and look up, you immediately lock eyes with Yugyeom. You halt your movements, taking in his long legs crossed at the ankles. He has one arm draped across his stomach, hand tucked under his other arm. He looks good, black shirt tucked into black jeans. He doesn't have any expression when he looks at you but you still feel frozen in place under the weight of his dark eyes. His hair is fanned out in waves around his face. Just as his lips start to turn up in a smirk, you feel Bambam's hand on your elbow and you're able to move again.

Finding your way out of the men's restroom unnoticed is easy after Bambam's checks that the coast is clear and you dash across the small space to the women's room. You barely hear the sound of the door close over the blood rushing in your ears. Your hand is over your chest as you feel your heartbeat and try to focus on slowing down your breathing. What the fuck did you just do?

You adjust your clothes and hair in the mirror then wash your hands. Once they're dried, you stand still and stare at your reflection. There was no physical proof that anybody else could see about what you'd just done. You didn't have any marks on your neck, your lips weren't red and swollen, your makeup wasn't smeared and your hair wasn't sticking up. You knew though, and remembered perfectly. Your heartbeat speeds up at the thought, both from panic and excitement.

The door swinging open makes you jump and when you see one of your co-workers slowly walking in while giving you an odd expression, you nod your head and rush out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay super sorry about that. Anyway. 
> 
> Hey Minhyuk had a birthday in my absence :o Happy late(as usual cause I suck) birthday to him ♡
> 
> Brinnie and I are going to see Monsta X in less than a month and I'm really excited! Are any of you going to Jingle Ball?


	6. Cat Food

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (can we just pretend I didn't just take three months for this sack of shit chapter)
> 
> Sorry for how awkward the text messaging format is. Just remember if it says "To: (name)" that's an outgoing text. If it just says their contact name, that's them sending you a text. Yipes sorry.

**To: Sophucking Precious**

_Soph_  
11:28pm

_Sophia please talk to me_  
11:32pm

 

**To: YUNGMAN YUNGMAN**

_Young man_

_I mean Youngjae_

_Youngjae answer me I know you're not doing anything you never are_  
11:37pm

 

You tap your fingers anxiously on your steering wheel, bathed in the red light of the traffic lights above you. You'd messaged Sophia the moment you clocked out, again as you'd gotten in your car and started it, and now Youngjae when you were stopped at the same light that always stopped you after a late shift. On top of it's persistence, the light always stopped you and the traffic opposite you for extended periods of time, favoring the cross-traffic. You would think you'd start taking another route away from your work, but it was the quickest way when the lights didn't try to square up.

 

**To: YUNGMAN YUNGMAN**

_Young man_

_There's no need to feel down_  
11:39pm

 

Almost instantly he replied.

 

**YUNGMAN YUNGMAN:**

_Oh my god is my name still yungman or whatever in your phone_

_You told me you changed it_

_And why are you quoting the villagers? I thought it was mgk_  
11:39pm

 

**To: YUNGMAN YUNGMAN**

_Why do you only talk to me to point out that I'm wrong_  
11:40pm

 

You push 'send' and lock your phone, tossing into the empty passenger seat. You watch in anticipation as the lights for opposing traffic change to yellow, and finally to red. Your foot on the brake pedal is ready to pull up, only for you to let out a loud groan as the turning lanes are given their chance before you.

Breathing in, you glance curiously at your phone, staring down where the LED would flash if you had a new message. Nothing.

Just as the lights turn red, your phone buzzes loudly next to you, demanding your attention. Your light turns green and you drive, ignoring the device because you're a safe driver, thank you very much.

Even when there's more traffic than usual and you're slowed to a stop, you don't try to read the message. You might have been able to get away with it back in your small town in Illinois - don't get the wrong idea; you never did because it was illegal and fuck paying that ticket - but in bigger cities and especially compared to the Midwest, drivers didn't have time for speed limits and distracted drivers. And, well, you had other reasons but it wasn't something you liked to think about.

Finally, after an hour and driving past the accident that had been the apparent cause of excess traffic, you drive through the familiar intersections of San Francisco. Once you park your car and stop the engine, you're surrounded by silence. People didn't go out late in this neighborhood, didn't play their music or TV's too loud. You and your roommates were real assholes sometimes.

In the dark solitude of your car, you unlock your phone and open the messages to see several new ones from Youngjae. Still no word from Sophia. You're quick to turn the brightness down, able to relax your squinting eyes then.

 

**YUNGMAN YUNGMAN:**

_What do you want_  
11:41pm

 _Oh come on. You kept bothering me and now that I'm responding you don't?_  
11:55pm

 _Y/N?_  
12:03am

 _Hey aren't you supposed to be home by now_  
12:17am

 _Ohhh myyyy godddd Y/N you're killing me respond to meeeee_  
12:28am

_Y/N :( why do you hate me_

_Not that I actually care_

_So nevermind_  
12:32am

_Wait I think this is later than normal for you to get home_

_Are you going somewhere? Will you buy me food?_

_I want fries_  
12:39am

_Oh shit what if you're dead_

_I've told you not to text and drive!_

_Idiot_  
12:53am

 

Just as you were going to reply, another text came in, immediately followed by another.

 

_Oh you've read my texts now_

_Thank god you're there I really started to get worried for a minute_  
12:57am

 

**To: YUNGMAN YUNGMAN**

_More like for an hour wtf_  
12:57am

 

**YUNGMAN YUNGMAN:**

_Is that really all you have to say to me after all of that_  
12:57am

 

**To: YUNGMAN YUNGMAN**

_Look dude I just wanted to know if Sophia was home or what time she would be_  
12:58am

 

Not waiting for a response, you lock your phone and get out of your car. Much to your dismay, you'd agreed to hang out with Bambam and by default Yugyeom after work. The traffic delay was unaccounted for and now you had even less time to talk to someone and get your anxieties out in the open before seeing the pair. Unless they'd been in the same traffic on their way home, of course.

The moment you open the door, Youngjae is in your face. "Did you get me fries?"

"No? I didn't even stop anywhere."

He purses his lips and creases his brows, like it'll help him detect a lie. Deciding your statement satisfactory, he sighs and falls over the arm of the couch to land with his back against the cushions, feet dangling over the edge. "What good is a roommate if they don't even buy you fries," he huffs.

"Have your legs always been this short?" you ask as you tap the side of one. You lift it by the ankle to inspect it. "This definitely seems shorter than I remember. Impressive."

He kicks his leg until you release it. "Says the one who could never dream of having legs this long," he retorts, stretching so his toes are near your face.

You flinch away and swat his leg, rolling your eyes at his laughter. "You don't even have long legs. Why would I dream about them if I want long legs?"

The first long-legged person to enter your mind is Yugyeom. You think back to the way he'd looked leaning against that bathroom counter. It's not a memory you're feeling particularly fond of at the moment, but you couldn't deny how good he'd looked, dressed in all black, arms crossed like the situation was so fucking normal to him. And the way he'd looked at you, eyebrow raised and smirking as if to ask, "Enjoying yourself?"

Fuck, maybe the situation _was _normal to him. Did Bambam do that kind of thing a lot? Why were you so impulsive and careless? What the hell even made you do that?__

____

Your phone buzzes in your hand, drawing your thoughts away from long legs and bathroom endeavors. 

 

**Sophucking Precious:**

_I'm on my way home now. Call or wait?_  
01:02am

 

**To: Sophucking Precious**

_I need to take a shower and get changed so just come find me when you're home_  
01:02am

 

"Okay, Youngjae. As much as I love standing here wasting my life talking to you, I'm leaving."

Youngjae sits up quickly, struggling momentarily because of his legs being hooked over the edge. "Why are you like this? You only talk to me to make fun of me or ask where Sophia is!"

You shrug and, maintaining a blank face, poke your tongue out before leaving your pouting roommate behind.

* * *

"Speak!" Sophia rushes the moment you've secured your towel around your freshly bathed body. Specific to your request, she'd been quick to find you in the bathroom, shower running over your hair as you rinsed out your shampoo. You'd thought you wanted to tell her as soon as she was in your presence but your naked state proved more awkward than anticipated. As it was, you'd already eluded to the fact that something had happened in the restroom at your workplace - a fact you were less than pleased to admit to.

"Okay, okay," you breathe, brushing past her and out of the bathroom. You were skipping your normal luxuries, like drying your feet before leaving. They were now leaving wet spots in their wake along the soft carpet of the downstairs as you crossed it. Your friend pads curiously behind you, not noticing the wet spots through the soles of her shoes.

Once inside your room, you stand aside to let her in and close the door firmly behind her. She perches on the edge of your desk chair, hands tucked under her knees as she leans forward. Her eyes are wide, brown irises perfectly visible as she waits.

You glance down at your towel. "Okay, shit, I'm sorry. I thought I was more ready to talk about it." You breathe in deeply, attempting to calm your nerves. "Okay, I'll talk. But I'm supposed to hang out with them soon, so I have to get dressed, so... close your eyes, or whatever." You don't bother checking on her, knowing she's attentive and listens well and will have already caught on and blocked you from view in some way. You let the towel fall, holding on with one hand to prevent it hitting the floor. You hang it on the hook over your door, normally meant for coats but being summer, those were tucked in the back of your closet. You're quick to pull on undergarments and shorts, not wanting to be exposed while discussing the nights events. It's not until you pull your shirt over your head that you finally begin to speak. "Well, you know how I blacked out on Saturday and probably fucked someone?"

"Bambam," she filled in with a nod. "Or Yugyeom." Being Mark's girlfriend, she'd often spent time with he and Jackson and, in turn, Bambam and Yugyeom. Amusingly, you'd found out sometime the day after the party that she'd told you stories about them before. Shortly after you, your roommates and Mark had decided on a movie that Sunday evening, the two males were in the kitchen getting snacks and talking when you'd told Sophia about the two new people you'd met. You'd left their names out at the time, forgetting just how likely it was she actually knew them, but after Youngjae had heard the conversation he'd climbed over the back of the couch, dropping a few pieces of the popcorn he'd made, and chimed in, "Oh are you telling her about how you almost fucked Yugyeom in front of everyone after making out with Bambam in the kitchen?" Sophia's eyes had widened at their names before she quickly laughed against the back of her hand and proceeded to remind you of the guy she'd told you about a few months before. "The one who tried to skateboard to impress my friend and ended up messing up one of the tricks and getting hit in the nuts by the board instead, yeah. That was Yugyeom." And then she'd laughed more at the memory.

"I found out this morning, if they aren't liars at least, that nothing else happened."

Sophia pauses a moment, taking in what you said. "O-... Okay. So... Why was that urgent news?"

You take in a deep breath, steeling yourself before your resolve falters. "The urgent news is that I kind of hooked up with one of them in the bathroom at work tonight..." Despite feeling queasy about it, you can't fight the grin that forms. That was such a _you_ thing, after all. 'We didn't fuck when I was too drunk to remember? Nice! Let's do it now then.'

"Holy shit, Y/N." It immediately elicits a laugh from you, hearing her cuss. She rarely did except in moments of surprise, whether from a revelation such as the one you'd just given or from Mark hiding under the bed just before she comes back from a shower in the morning. "Is this what you were like in the Midwest?"

You grab the towel from the door and pretend to whip her before giving in and joining in her laughter. "I did hook up in bathrooms, but those were always at friends houses. Not in public places. Not at fucking work, oh god. And the only times I can remember hooking up with someone I didn't know, was a friend of a friend when I was drunk and... Well, Dominic."

"Gross. Don't hook up with people you don't know," she comments, poking fun at your past to avoid the heavy feeling that was already threatening to blanket your night at the mention of Dominic.

"Well, obviously," you retort and roll your eyes. You fall back onto your mattress and drape an arm over your eyes to block out the bright ceiling light.

Sophia shrugs and silence falls for less than ten seconds. "Hey, you used a condom tonight right?" You lift your arm slightly and lift your head, searching for any sign of teasing. She just looks concerned.

"Oh, come on! Don't be weird!" You complain, covering your face with both hands. "We didn't even... We didn't actually fuck, he just..." Your heart speeds up in embarrassment. You hadn't had any stories like this to tell anyone for nearly a year, and back then it still wasn't something you spoke of often. It was just something you could tell a friend if they were curious. "He went down on me, that's all."

"If you guys ever do fuck, just make sure to use a condom. That kid gets around and regardless of how well I do or don't know him, I don't know if he wears condoms with other girls or if he gets checked regularly, so... Just be safe." She smiles after and it warms your heart. Sometimes she felt like a big sister to you even though you didn't feel that different in age. She was two years older than you, but you often forgot until it came to serious conversations. Other than those, she seemed your age or younger due to how sweet and innocent she was.

"Oh, god. That makes me feel sick," you comment, that same anxious feeling returning to your stomach. You should have known he was like that. Who the fuck else hooks up with someone they just met in a restaurant bathroom? Wait, were you like that too? You groan loudly and flip so you're on your stomach, face buried in your pillow until you speak again. "We probably would have fucked if Yugyeom hadn't come in," you admit, pouting.

"Wait, Yugyeom? When Yugyeom came in? You hooked up with Bambam?"

"Yeah, sorry I thought I said that."

"No, you didn't specify but I just assumed... Really? Bambam?" The mix of surprise and confusion on her face was almost laughable. "Okay, well everything I just said was about Yugyeom. Don't get involved with him. He's cute, and he's a good friend, but he's definitely one of those boys who actually grew up to be a heartbreaker like everyone said."

* * *

The tour of their apartment was short. It was a small place. Apparently, Bambam had his own apartment for awhile but chose not to renew his lease again and instead moved in with Jinyoung and Yugyeom to help with bills. It worked fine since Bambam stayed over so often the six months prior that they already knew it would work. Also, apparently their other roommate Jinyoung greatly preferred Bambam to Yugyeom. At least, that's what Yugyeom said.

The best part is Yugyeom had apparently sold his bed and the pair went in on a new bed to share - a bunkbed, tucked cutely in one corner complete with a ladder on the side for whoever had the top bunk.

Childishly, your first thought is that you want to stay the night just so you can sleep on the top. Years ago, when you and your brothers were well under 10, you'd had to share a room between the three of you. The most space-efficient bed was a bunkbed and, being the only girl, you'd had the top to yourself. Your eldest brother would give you a boost and make sure you were safe and tucked in up top before he would join your other brother, the middle child, on the lower bunk.

"Oh yeah, Jinyoung isn't coming home tonight, so we can smoke now," Yugyeom says, pulling you from your thoughts.

Bambam nods and turns to you, lifting his hand like he's going to reach for you, pauses, then drops it to his side. "We still smoke in the room though so it doesn't get on all of the furniture out here."

"No amount of Febreze can hide our sins from Jinyoung," Yugyeom says solemnly, trailing down the hall. You follow behind, though you're beginning to feel like a puppy since all you've done since stepping into their apartment is follow them.

When the bedroom door is pushed open, a small white fluff of feline you hadn't noticed earlier dashes out and by your ankles. "Cupcake!" Bambam calls with wide and excited eyes. "Come give daddy kisses!" He makes grabby hands as he rushes passed you and back to the living room where the cat had run off to.

Yugyeom glances at your raised eyebrows with a chuckle before turning away and entering the bedroom. "Oh," he says as he bends to the bottom bunk. When he stands up he turns to you again, this time holding a white cat that wasn't fluffy at all but cute all the same. "This is Pudding," he tells you, stroking the top of it's head lightly. "You can pet him if you want."

"Cupcake and Pudding?" you question as you approach him, arm outstretched to pet the feline in his arms. Pudding watches your hand suspiciously until deciding your petting skills are acceptable.

Yugyeom hums in confirmation. "There's a Latte somewhere around here. He's usually in the living room window watching everything. You won't know he's there til you see his rat tail swinging at the bottom of the curtains."

"A rat?" you ask, fingers pausing against Pudding's side. The cat turns its head and nudges the side of your hand, urging you to continue your ministrations. You don't think you can handle the idea of a rat just roaming around.

"No! Sorry, he's a cat, he just looks like a rat."

"You look like a rat," you childishly retort.

"You must be very attracted to rats, then." His voice is low, almost seductive if not for the situation. Still, you find yourself stuck in place, feet planted a foot from his with nothing more than a cat separating you. You're staring at his face, lips parted just barely. You definitely weren't attracted to rats but you were _very_ attracted to him. His mouth spreads to a devious grin. "See," he teases. "Hey, you're upsetting Pudding. If you're gonna be here you need to pet him."

You hadn't even realized you'd stopped.

Just then Bambam comes in. "Hey, sorry I- Oh! Pudding!" He holds his arms out and takes his precious animal into them, nuzzling his cheek against the cat. "I see you've met my oldest. Pudding, this is Y/N. Say hi, baby." Bambam takes one of his paws between his fingers and waggles it in your direction. The cat looks at you, completely uninterested and lets out an unsatisfied meow before jumping from Bambam's arms to the floor, strutting slowly from the room. "What did you do to upset Pudding in the first two minutes of knowing him?" Bambam asks and laughs at your expression.

"She wasn't petting him very well," Yugyeom relays, shaking his head in disappointment at your apparent inability to pet a cat.

Bambam 'tsk's. "He's not too different from Yugyeom; feed him every now and then, pet him well. He'll be your friend." It takes a moment for you to understand what he means by 'pet'. Yugyeom tells him to fuck off but he's laughing. It reminds you of what Sophia told you earlier.

Bambam closes the door finally. "I saw Latte out there too, so we're good."

"You really care about spending time with your cats," you comment lamely.

"Yes," Bambam answers as if he's considering another option. He pulls the chair away from the desk, plopping gracelessly into it. He pulls the bag from his jacket pocket, grabbing a nug and breaking it up by hand. It was weird to see - your friends in the Midwest always used a grinder. "But I meant that he isn't in here, meaning we can close the door and smoke now. Would you hotbox with your baby in the room?"

Yugyeom makes quick work of stuffing a towel at the foot of the door and folding the bottom bed into a futon.

"I didn't even think about that."

"Of course you didn't, Selfish," Yugyeom comments. "Do you want to sit on the futon or the beanbag chair?" he asks, fingers digging into the cloth of said chair as he hoists it up from it's resting place.

"I don't care," you answer with a shrug, but the moment he plops it down near the futon, you yourself plop down in it.

You glance at Bambam, now quiet and concentrated. His lips are parted and his tongue is out, swiping slowly along the edge of the wrap in his fingers so he can seal it. You can't remember the last time you rolled a blunt - Dominic preferred joints which he always rolled and one-hitters. 

"Okay," Bambam finally says, standing slowly from the desk chair. "We weren't sure what flavors you like, so we got white grape because... Well, it's the most widely accepted, I think." You nod and smile your thanks. He holds the blunt out to Yugyeom, a quiet "Yug" passing his lips. Yugyeom's perched on the edge of his bed-now-futon, scrolling lazily on an unknown social media platform. At the sound of his name he looks quickly and excitedly reaches out for it.

Bambam turns the stereo on, loud enough to hear, quiet enough to talk.

"Is Jinyoung coming home tonight?" Yugyeom asks awhile later. You aren't one to keep track of rounds, knowing only the obvious that the smoke that had filled your lungs now filled the room. A pleasant buzz sparked from the burn in your throat and lungs down to your fingertips.

"Bruh, you told me earlier he isn't coming home tonight." Yugyeom grins sheepishly. "He's got a double date with JB," Bambam proceeds, "said he's staying the night there." He leans back into the futon, hands resting and occasionally tapping to the beat on his parted knees. The position, and maybe the haze the weed created in your head, has you distantly imagining sitting on his lap instead of the beanbag chair. He's bony and you'd probably worry about breaking him the entire time but you want to feel his hand rest on your side or thighs and calmly tap the same beat against your skin.

Yugyeom exhales with a nod. The smoke drifting slowly towards you catches your attention and an unreadable glint flashes across his eyes. The grin that grows shortly after is clearly mischievous and a little unnerving. You purse your lips and look away, tucking your hands under your thighs.

"They never invite us for orgies," he tells you with a faux frown.

"You're probably just bad at sex," you respond without a second thought. You see his jaw drop in your peripherals and when Bambam chokes on his hit from surprise and laughs, you can't help grinning.

It's weird, only knowing them for a few days and feeling as comfortable as you do with them. Well, comfortable when you aren't acting squirrelly about your attraction to both of them. Besides that though, even when you smoked with them in the park it didn't feel like you were sandwiched between two very attractive guys you'd just met fifteen minutes prior. And now, despite the fact that you'd just an hour before been ranting to Sophia about your endeavors and mentally tearing your hair out, you felt like you were home again, back in Illinois with people you'd grown up with or at least known several years. If you closed your eyes, you could imagine your conspiracy-theorist of a friend ranting about Jif or Jiffy, whether Sinbad made a movie called Genie or not. You could imagine your other friends in the background talking about anime or fighting games and you could smell whatever meal your friends mom was making that night.

They'd been with you through a lot but you were still happy with your decision to leave. You adored Sophia and Youngjae and the love they showered you in from the beginning, even if Youngjae had a weird way of showing it. For the first few months of being here you'd been able to spend time with your dad again and even saw your oldest brother a few weekends when he visited home from Uni.

"Y/N," Bambam prompts, and you feel his hand nudge your elbow. He's holding the blunt out to you, eyes curious and expectant. You glance at the blunt and up to his face with wide eyes, surprised how easy it was to zone out your surroundings. A quick look to Yugyeom shows he's pouting at you, arms crossed and head resting against the top of the futon due to his height.

The blunt is mostly gone at this point and the burn in your lungs begs you for a break. You put your hand up briefly to wave him away but Yugyeom doesn't give up as easily when it's passed to him.

"Come here, Y/N," he says in that silky, high voice while patting the space between him and Bambam. "Even if you _have_ been mean to me all day."

"I've hardly been mean," you retort but move to the designated seat anyway.

Unsatisfied with the position, Yugyeom tugs your arm to move you to his lap. You oblige easily, turning so you sit sideways over his thighs, facing Bambam. "There," he mutters. "Pay attention to me." You know he's whining, but with the blunt between his lips his voice comes out thicker, huskier. 

He takes a long, slow hit, glancing at the cherry as it burns brighter. Pinching and pulling it away, his eyes immediately land on your own. He glances down to your lips and grins, smoke billowing around his teeth and over his lips like a fountain. Without warning, his empty hand is in your hair, nudging your head towards him. Instinctively you close your eyes, lips parting, and then his lips are on yours. Your heart feels like it's about to beat out of your chest because goddamn of the things to blackout for, the feeling of his lips on yours is one of the most regrettable. They're not as plushy as Bambam's, more on the firm side, but they're _so_ soft. You barely remember to breathe when you feel him blowing the smoke in your mouth, making you inhale loudly in haste. You can feel your face heat up when you exhale. He hadn't even had his lips against yours long enough for a proper kiss and you'd instantly forgotten the reason you were in that position to begin with.

"Aw, Y/N! Were you waiting for an actual kiss?" he teases, pulling you against him in a tight embrace.

You can't hope to hide how mortified you feel when Bambam speaks up. "You should kiss him again," he says, voice low and serious. "When you'll actually remember it." It's a strange thing to hear from the guy who just went down on you earlier that night, but you lift your head to stare questioningly at Yugyeom anyway.

No time for questions or answers, Yugyeom instantly closes the distance between you, planting his mouth firm against yours. You don't even have time for surprise before he's moving his lips, soft and fluid and perfect. You move one hand up to his shoulder to steady yourself, tilting your head to allow for more access. You'd had kisses in the past that moved that fast, without warning and no easing into it. Typically with people you'd kissed before. It was odd and new and exhilarating. Maybe it just felt like it was going really fast because you were high. Yugyeom licks your bottom lip lightly before tugging it between his teeth, biting then sucking as he leaned back, breaking contact.

"Yug-" you immediately begin. "You- you can't just-" You can't find the words. What did you even want to say? "You barely even started."

"Come on then," he taunts and taps your thigh. You twist so you have a leg on either side of his lap, effectively straddling him. The moment his hands are on your waist, his lips are on your throat. You tangle his hair around your fingers as he makes quick progress up to your jaw, sucking lightly there. He plants a kiss against your cheek and your breath hitches, waiting for that feeling again, but it doesn't come. You open your eyes, confused and disappointed, to find him staring at you, his usual grin adorning his features. "I'm not gonna make out with you in front of my best friend unless you like threesomes."

"You made out with me at Jackson's party in front of everyone!" you argue as you climb off his lap and situate yourself comfortably between him and Bambam. Bambam pats your shoulder comfortingly.

"Yeah, I was drunk. I thought you didn't remember that anyway," Yugyeom accuses. He reaches over to flick you but you divert him with a shove, ducking into Bambam's side for good measure.

You sit up when you've waited a few seconds, confident he won't try to flick you again. "I don't remember it. I heard about it."

"You know," Bambam says, speaking up finally since encouraging you to kiss his best friend. "We have videos. Well, _I_ have videos. If you want to see them."

And that's how, twenty minutes and way too much Febreze later, you were sitting on the couch in the living room, Pudding curled up on Bambam's lap while he showed you videos of your drunk-self in compromising positions. First, the video Jackson had taken of the entire kitchen, dining room and living room where you and Bambam are practically spotlighted under the bright kitchen lights as he leans you over the island, one hand on your lower back and the other behind your head. A few people nearby started cheering which, comically, was when you saw Jungkook finally abort the situation, only to realize he'd been caught on camera and immediately freezes, smiling widely. And then Jackson, in the lower right corner smiling the same as Jungkook had for the duration of the video, looks up on his screen and presumably notices you and Bambam making out, mumbles "shit" and ends the video.

"Well that was hot," you finally say to break the silence. "Did you catch Jungkook blasting off?"

"You know you kissed him, too?" Bambam reveals instead. Your mouth pops open in shock. "I don't have a video of that. But Yugyeom was being a drunk mess and talking about this girl that recently kind of screwed him over, and Jungkook was getting really bummed about it. You said something about him being dope and then you kissed him."

"Honestly, I think you scarred him. He immediately just-" Yugyeom pauses to imitate Jungkook's apparent reaction, his face twisted into shock, horror and confusion, both arms up and stiff. His entire body was rigid and you could perfectly imagine Jungkook looking like that. "-and then he ran out, like, 'I have to pee' or something like that."

"Good luck getting him to talk to you now," Bambam teases from your other side.

"Show her the other video!" Yugyeom enthuses. "The one with me. The one with me!" He waves his hand as if to hurry the process along.

And then Bambam's phone is thrust in front of your face once more, a video that started off with Bambam trying to dance and dropping the pitch of his voice to obnoxiously and incoherently sing along with the music. You watch as he smiles deviously into the camera then turns his head. He starts skipping through the crowd, humming in the same voice a mantra of "Gonna find my bitch, gonna find my bitch" before he reaches the hall and stops abruptly, mouth falling open and looking positively scandalized. He lets out a loud screech of "Bitch!" before the camera turns to show you trapped between the wall and Yugyeom, his hands cupping both your cheeks while yours are perched on his shoulders, your lower back arched to press you closer to him. Alcohol really made you a hoe. Yugyeom laughs, something you can't hear but can see on the small screen before the camera moves, swinging by Bambam's side before ending abruptly. The last thing you hear is him saying something about the guest room.

"That was hot too, wasn't it, Y/N?" Yugyeom purrs, stroking your shoulder.

In all honesty, it was hot. But the overwhelming weirdness of seeing yourself make out with two different people, not remembering either time, persisted. You remembered kissing Bambam earlier that night, but not so intensely. Not to mention, the overwhelming embarrassment of the drunk version of you kissing Jungkook... God damn.

"Stop being weird," you chastise, brushing his hand off of you. You don't miss the pout. He'd done it a lot that day.

"Kissing me is not weird," he glowers, but doesn't put his hand on you again. 

Before you can miss the contact, Bambam slides his hand into yours and clasps your fingers together. "Wanna watch a movie?"

His skin is ever hot against yours, drawing your dazed mind away from things you couldn't remember and toward things you'd rather not remember - sunsets and sno-cones, strangers in a basement to lovers under fireworks and a ferris wheel that took you up and forgot you there, trapped in that stupid swinging metal box with nothing but one-sided feelings and a husk of a guy who never once asked but you so willingly gave to.

You abandoned real-time for weed and it left you imagining oceans swirling into tiny circles that fit perfectly over irises that watched you too little to appreciate you but too closely for you to ignore, oceans for eyes resting a few inches above a pair of lips that never called for you specifically but for someone, anyone, like you to make them feel less alone while simultaneously accomplishing the opposite for you. The difference was that when it was over, he could easily replace you with whatever nicer pair of legs would open for him that night but there was a perfectly Dominic-shaped hole in your heart that gaped every second he didn't call for you again. 

Maybe time does heal wounds, or maybe wounds just continue to grow and fester. Nine months was a long time, long enough to grow an entire human. What could that sort of time do for heartache? Would it take off the edge, or make you bitter?

You don't even notice your heart is pounding until fingers tighten with yours and it begins to slow, eventually to normal and finally to relaxed. Bambam is still sat beside you, likely no idea of your racing mind but his simple gesture, squeezing your hand, was enough to ground you, bring their apartment back to your sight instead of the past. It couldn't have been long because Yugyeom was still rummaging and calling out movie titles like you'd paid any attention at all.

You call out a half-hearted "that one" and Yugyeom immediately turns to you, brows stitched together in distaste. "Your movie taste is shit." Nevertheless, he puts the disk in before making his way back to the couch where he curled up on the empty cushion to your left. You had no insults other than a measly 'You're shit' so you settled on muttering a quiet "rude."

As was expected, you didn't make it through the movie. You could only hope you didn't snore when you passed out a half hour later, head in Bambam's lap as his fingers spun shapes in your hair that lulled you to unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi thanks for making it down here. I hope you don't hate it. I don't really have an excuse for how long it took, but I am quite sorry about it. I'm working on the next chapter already!
> 
> Brinnie and I went to Jingle Ball and saw Monsta X! It was dope.
> 
> Okay anyway sorry that it's long and boring. I get carried away. Feel free to stop reading at any point haha


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